A Year of Walking the Hard Road

Life is nearly always divided into two roads - the hard road or the easy road.  We all know that life isn't always simple and perfect; but, in the midst of those difficult times one can nearly always find a scapegoat and/or a way out.  But, what is the point of that?  Should we always be looking for that easy road?  

I don't think so. 

Multiple times over, in scripture, we can see that the Father tells us, shows us, and privdes us with the knowledge and preparation for the reality that life is going to be hard.  And that it is in those moments where we must truly put our trust and faith in Him; knowing that as we walk that hard road, He will be there not to just hold our hand, but to go before us making a way  And what a beautiful promise this has been for our family this year. 

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A year ago today our hearts sank to the pits of our stomach as the doctors said that dreaded C word that makes one cringe upon hearing - Eddie was diagnosed with cancer. 

Many times in life we as humans can prepare ourselves for that unwanted hard road, like cancer; if we know what is to be expected during our travel.  However, the tables quickly turn and our attitude must quickly be adjusted when our idea of a hard road, is nowhere close to the reality.  

And, for us that is exactly what happened. 

As we prepared for Eddie's results to come back as cancerous, we felt good about our options and the type of cancer we thought we would be dealing with...But, all of that changed quickly as we learned that we were completely wrong - and were dealing with a monster.  Neuroendocrine Carcinoma - aka - small cell lung cancer. 

As we sat in those first appointments I remember the hurt in Dr. V's voice, the seriousness in her tone as she told us this was no game to play around with .  As my heart just needed to hear what stage we were dealing with, I was floored when she told us there wasn't one - we were beyond that.  We were past stage four. 

As Dr. V sat and told us what our options were, what statistics were like...as our hearts continued to break...We realized we were no longer on the "hard road."  We were quickly surpassed that, and by medical statistics were looking at a dead end road. 

But, there was one statement that Dr. V made that I know gave us all the clarity we could ever need.  There was nothing better she could have said, nothing truer that she could have said than this:  "...But, I am not God." 

In today's society, with the technology and medical advancements that have been made, it is easy for us as humasn to turn directly to the power found in that - finding hope in only the medical options and what the doctors can do for us.  And when those options, those statistics are not very promising, it is easy for us to cae in, to give up, and to have no hope.  Seeking whatever means possible to not be in pain, to be happy, to be able, to not cause hurt to anyone else, to escape the situation that we are currently in. 

But personally, I do not think that is right.  I do not think that is hwy He calls us into that hard time, whe He calls ut walk down that hard road.  He doesn't call us to do hard, only to escape through easy.  He calls us to hard, He calls us to impossible, so that we will run straight to Him with arms wide open, finding ourselves falling at His feet, turning full to Him. 

As Fain, Alli, and I sat outside on the curb of the doctor's office, after hearing this dreaded first news...I remember looking at Fain as we both sat desperately hurting and grasping for hope and said, "We have two options.  We can sit and cry, being mad and upset, OR we can look for Him in this situation - looking for ways to serve Him and make Him known, trusting in Him in every step we take."

And I couldn't be more thankful that I have a family who chose option two.  A family that not only chose that hard road, to fight but chose to sprint after Him not allowing anything to tear us apart from His provision over this situation. 

As we sit here at the one year mark, I can't help but praise Him this year for His faithfulness.  By no means has this year been an easy year at all.  It has been one of the hardest that our family has gone through.  But, as I said before, the Father doesn't promise us that life is always going to be easy...This is only one of many, but look at this scripture from John....

"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace.  In the world you will have tribulation.  But take heart, I have overcome the world." 

This doesn't say that you may have tribulation.  No it says, "You will have tribulation.  But, take heart; I have overcome the world."  And this last part is where we have found our hope this past year.  Where we have found our peace.  Where we have found our strength in the valleys of this year.  He has overcome the world. 

I am currently reading through the book of Matthew.  As I have sat this week reading over the miracles and healings that Christ performed during His time here on Earth, I keep reading and rereading one particular word over and over and over again - FAITH.  As we read about Christ's healing of the sick, we constantly see Him saying "because you believed it, it has happened," "because of your faith, it will happen," and so on..

That faith alone, in Him, is what has sustained us this year; and what continues to sustain us.  We know that He has not only heard our hearts cries, but has blessed us with a reason to turn those tears into joy.  We know that He has felt our anger and has turned that anger into peace.  We serve a Father who has heard every single one of our desperate prayers and has ultimately provided and covered each of those. 

I left on a plane in April saying goodbye; a goodbye that I questioned would be my last as I looked at doctor's standards and statistics.  But ultimately, finding peace and joy in the goodbye when the Father gave me His comfort and provision over the situation.  Knowing that He was holding Eddie in His hands, that He had a plan to use Eddie, and trusting that He wasn't going to allow that goodbye to be the last.  And how faithful those promises have been. 

As I sit here today, we look at Eddie and stand amazed at how the Father has used Him and taken care of Him.  He has opened doors for Eddie to share His testimony, and ultimately make Himself known.  He has constantly provided doctors who are providing and working hard to take care of and give Eddie the best treatments possible.  Eddie, for the most part, has been able to do.  There have most definitely been some trying days; but, overall, he is still able to do whatever he puts his crazy mind to.  And what a beautiful things to see! 

Our God has surpassed medical standards and statistics.  He called us to trust, we have, and He has ultimately proven that He is greater!  There is nothing more amazing. 

So, for me, I want to say THANK YOU.  Thank you not only to our Heavenly Father who continues to blow me away each day; but, also to Eddie and Mom.  Thank you for not backing down.  Thank you for putting your full hearts, trust, and faith in Him - ultimately knowing that He is taking care of this situation and holding you both in His hand.  Thank you for showing us what it means to live a life not of fear, but of hope and peace.  Thank you for keeping a positive attitude.  Thank you for not putting your faith in the statistics, but in Him.  Thank you for taking the hard road with the best attitude any two people could ever have and not once looking back! 

Today, as you head to the doctors, we are praying just like we do every day - praying for the Father to take care of you, Eddie.  Trusting in the Father to provide; no matter what results we receive.  Resting in His provision and love for you; knowing His plan for you is beyond our comprehension and overwhelmingly beautiful. 

You may be chubby cheeked, but I am thankful for those chubby cheeks and the fact that I will be running down the terminal in one month with arms wide open hugging you!  I can't stinking wait!

But, also THANK YOU to our prayer warriors.  The Father has graciously blessed us with an amazing support system that has been relentlessly faithful in praying for Eddie, our family, and our situation.  Thank you for meals that were provided and for people who took time to ride with Eddie to the doctors.  Thank you!  We know that the Father has heard each one of those prayers, and He has seen each one of your hands reaching out and helping, and we know that those will not go without reward.  Without you, without your support, without your encouragement, this hard road would have been a million times more difficult.  Thank you for making life a bit easier this past year, and please don't stop!  Don't stop praying and lifting Eddie up each day. 

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I also want to encourage anyone else who might be reading this blog, and may be walking a road that forever seems to be hard, difficult, and at times impossible.  Don't give up.  Don't try to find the easy way out. 

I know that just in my network of people there are several others who are facing this same dreaded sickness - whether is is an adult, a child, or a baby.  I just want to encourage each of you to not give up the fight, to not back down.  Wake up each morning diving into the Word, relying on His promises for that that day to pull you through and help you thrive in this hard time.  Find peace in knowing that He is reaching out His hand to you, desiring to not only love you through this time, to not only walk through life with you during this time, but to USE you!  And there is nothing more powerful than allowing the Holy Spirit to guide your walk and your steps as you face this time in your life; allowing Him to use you and be His light in this dark world. 

Be encouraged today.  Rest in Him today.  You don't have to face this hardship alone;  there is something so much more beautiful than that...Turn to HIM!  

Erasers

My type A teacher self, loves erasers!  

I love the beauty of knowing that although I mess up (which I do a lot) it is perfectly acceptable and okay; due to the fact that the error can easily be erased and removed – never to be seen again, covered by something more beautiful and perfect. 

The problem however comes when I often times wish this same concept would apply to the real world.

 There have been so many times in my life where I have yearned for one of those big, fat, dull pink erasers to come through and just eliminate what I have done wrong…Only to leave that portion of my life brand new again.  What I would give to erase words, actions, hurts, misconceptions, conversations, and fights…..

The bad news:  no big eraser, like this, can be purchased from Walmart or Target.

The good news:  a greater eraser, a permanent eraser does exist.

Although there is no tangible eraser that will remove all of the mistakes we make in life – as we all do make mistakes (multiple ones for me) each day.  There is an eternal eraser that promises to not only erase, but to forgive each one of our daily mistakes, and I couldn’t be more thankful for that.

You see, there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t mess up….I am not more than a mere human, who naturally is sinful by nature.  And, as those mess up’s occur, I tend to beat myself up.  Not only do I tend to desperately try and erase the mistake, but I also try to correct it…all on my own accord – whether that means apologizing for wrong doings or just completely redoing whatever I have messed up.   However, I never seem to be able to clear the mistake and make that area clear again.  It just never happens that way.

 

But, the beauty is this….

I serve a Father who does hold an eraser.  An eternal one.  I serve a Father who lovingly and graciously has mercy upon me every single day.  Not only does He erase every one of my mistakes, but upon me seeking His forgiveness, He wipes my slate clean – brand new, perfectly white. 

And there is nothing more beautiful, more powerful, more comforting than that.

He forever erases.

Know Him.  Go to Him.  Seek Him. 

He will make you new.   

I AM WEAK.

Weakness:  A quality or feature regarded as a disadvantage or fault.

There is no human on this earth that is without at least one weakness.  Although a lot of the time we all like to think we are perfect souls, without flaws…That is far from the truth.  

Me, I have many.  

And the evil one knows exactly how to use these flaws perfectly; in such a way to grow me apart from my He@venly Father (at least temporarily).  But, what the evil one does not know is, in the end my Father prevails, I learn a lesson, and I inevitably grow more and more in love with the Man who made me – ultimately the direct opposite of what the evil one is seeking.  

And how does this happen?!  

Because I serve a Father who is bigger, who is wiser, who is more powerful, who is far greater than any flaw of mine, loves me unconditionally, and is begging me to just simply trust Him. 

My number one flaw in life is STRESS.  WORRY.  ANXIETY.

Since a child, I have always striven to be a perfectionist in so many areas of life.  I have always felt that I had to go 110%, giving my very best, and failure was not an option.  I constantly found myself taking on “challenges” in such ways that I knew I could accomplish and succeed; because anything less was not an option.  Needless to say, my independent soul has had many hardships, realizations, and opportune lessons for seeing that I could not do life alone and be successful…That some “tasks” just could not be accomplished by my human hands alone, but only by His almighty power and ability was there anyway.  And without His help, without allowing Him to step in and take control, the “task” was seemingly a waste.

As I look back and reflect upon this last year, the key word that I see the Father calling and challenging me to is TRUST.  Trusting Him. 

Having been His since I was eight, you would think that I would have a full grasp on this word.  You would think that through life lessons thus far, I would have already learned that although I can accomplish life alone – With His help, the process is much smoother and the outcome is far greater than anything I could have ever expected to be done on my own.  

BUT, I still fail in relinquishing this trust and faith to Him – whether it is monthly, weekly, daily, or even hourly I find myself failing to simply TRUST in Him.  I still like to be the controller of my life in so many aspects.  And without fail, He shows me that I am not capable of reaching that perfect, unattainable goal without HIM.

As I left home five months ago, I sat with my family having one of the hardest discussions we have ever had…the “what-if” discussion.  I sat with the biggest decision laid before me, a decision that made me sick, a decision that I truly had give to Him because it was literally out of my hands completely --- a decision on whether to stay home with my family in a time of hurt and pain OR hop on a plane to fulfill the calling He laid before me – understanding that perhaps that one sweet goodbye could be a final one.  As He gave me that confirmation on fulfilling the call to go, as I boarded the plane that Monday morning, I left with peace in knowing that Eddie was in Dad’s hands.  

Although I was still hurting, although I was still scared….His voice filled my head, telling me Eddie was His, He would take care of this man.  AND today, I could not be happier, more excited to share that He has continued to do just that.  Here we are at ten months in and Eddie is ABLE – Although there are days of struggle, he is doing life just as normal as possible.  Eddie still mows, goes to church and social events with friends and family, andddd is playing with His sweet grandbabies this weekend….AND this past week we received news that the tumors are SHRINKING.  10 months ago, 5 months ago…We didn't know what to think.  Today we stand amazed, in awe…Yes, there is still a long ways to go before Eddie is completely healed.  But, we KNOW that we serve a Father who is forever faithful, who is forever hearing our hearts cries, who is CALLING US TO TRUST HIM to take care of Eddie.  And in that trusting Him, He is being faithful to provide us of our hearts desires. 

So, as I was beautifully reminded this week of His power and control, I still failed at trusting Him with other areas of  my life.  I failed miserably at trusting Him this week.  Ashamed it left me. 

The past couple of weeks, I have had a toothache.  So after trying to avoid going to a dentist here, I finally sucked it up and went.  To make a long story short, I went in Wednesday to have a filling.  As I went into the office, of course my stomach was in knots (as I am terrified of dentists).  I was terrified of the noises, the shots, the drilling, the pains, the unknown of this lady….everything.  But, as I sat down and the work began…I felt nothing.  I did not feel the shot of numbing in my mouth.  I did not fill the drilling.  All I felt was the sound of the Father calling me to trust Him – to praise Him through the music in my ears and spend time just lifting it up to Him.  Seemingly I was succeeding at this, I thought I was trusting Him – but really, it was only because things were still going as I had planned, according to my individual itinerary. 

As the dentist kept drilling in my tooth, I knew something was wrong.  That is when she stopped and broke the news to me – “I am sorry.  I have some bad news.  It is deeper than I thought.  I need to do a root canal.”  The tears instantly just began flowing uncontrollably down my face; as I sat terrified of the pain that would be to come, and I knew the cost to perform this was going to be far more than what was in my bank account.  My first question – “How much?”  As she told me the price, the tears rolled quicker and greater.  The knot in my stomach became uncontrollable. 

So as I left the dentist office that day, she had filled my tooth with temporary putty and gave me the bill to ponder.  I won’t lie, I came home and cried for over two hours.   I called my mom, the realist, who said “This is life.  Crap happens.  Stop crying, because crying won’t fix it.”  Of course, not what I wanted to hear in the moment, but what I needed to be told.  But, it was what she said next that I will not forget – “G0d has brought you this far, through everything to this point, He isn’t going to leave you alone and not get you through this.”  That was all I needed to hear.  That beautiful, tough love reminder – This was yet again, a situation, a bill, which was far unobtainable for me alone.  It was something I HAD to relinquish over to the Father.

So, I immediately began emailing personnel for help.   Having planned in the back of my mind for the worst answer (of receiving no support), and still trying to figure out how I,  alone, was going to pay for this massive cost.  As the night and next morning went on, I knew the Father was continuously calling me to trust Him, to not worry over such a petty thing; but, I was inevitably failing. 

During lunch the next day though, I received an email back.  An email from the Father, showing me His control, His provision, His faithfulness to provide……

My medical bill was going to be covered eighty percent by medical, and the rest I had already been given.  This bill, this worry, was covered – covered by HIM. 

As I rejoiced in this news, the feeling of being ashamed flushed over me.  How dare I not trust this Man.  This man who is constantly, daily reminding and showing me every reason that I should trust Him….When will I learn?!  When will I stop trying to do things in my own power, alone?  When will I learn to stop worrying, stop stressing AND just TRUST. 

This man, my Father, gave His son so that I could know Him, so that I could be His.  He most definitely has my best interest at heart.  Trusting Him should not be a question. 

I ask that you continue to lift me up, asking that I continue to draw closer to Him – closer than ever before.  That I trust Him with every fiber of my being.  

Walk By Faith...

Today, Ray & I went to explore a particular area of the city with our fabulous teammates Jim & Bev.  As we walked this area, we were eagerly looking for our people group; and looking for potential housing options within the area.  But, to our disappointment, neither of these goals were really accomplished today.  Although we saw our people group coming off the tram and walking into the train station, we couldn't pinpoint a direct location of where they lived.  Furthermore, in the areas in which we were walking, there were no available housing options within our necessary means and budget.  So, in this realm, today was a fail. 

But, I think the Father had something more important that He wanted to remind each of us along our walk today. 

As we were walking the streets of this particular area, we all were engaging in heart felt discussions of things going on in our lives - struggles, hopes, and praises.  

But, it was in that moment that the Father showed us all something in which caused us to all freeze and stand amazed...

In the midst of this big city, in this midst of this beautiful street, there was a blind man before us.  As he used his cane to guide him, we stood amazed.  This man was able to cross the street by measuring his steps, tapping everything before him - allowing it to be his guide; leading him to the edge of the sidewalk and atop a large set of stairs.  As we watched him approach these stairs my heart was amazed.  This man knew the steps to take before reaching these stairs.  He knew what to feel for - He knew where the stairs would begin, and how to properly find the handrails for support and guidance. And down he went.  

As I stood there truly amazed at how independent this man was today, in such an enormous and crowded city full of so many unknowns, I couldn't help but acknowledge that this man trusted not only in his knowledge and ability to count steps, BUT he also was fully relying on his cane to guide him.  He knew that the cane was going before him; as a guide and tool to help him get through the day.  The cane was his safety net, his guiding stick.  Although counting steps and relying on himself was his go-to, automatic, initial means for surviving; he knew that each day presented something new.  He knew that he was walking in an ever changing path - in which new people, animals, or objects could potentially be in his line of walk.  And so he had to learn how to allow his knowledge of the area and his mind to become the secondary guiding tools - And to allow the stick to be his primary....going before him, showing him the path in which to walk down.  

And isn't that what the Father is begging us to do. 

As humans we want to think that we are capable of walking through and fulfilling life alone - in our own power and accord.  And sure, we can do that.  But life isn't the same every day.  And sometimes our decisions are tunneled to only see one path, one way.  

But, the Father is asking us to let us to let Him be that stick, that guiding tool for our daily lives.  He is asking us to allow Him to show us what paths to take in life, what direction or step to take next.  Life isn't always the same.  Life decisions aren't always just as clear as black and white.  Sometimes we need to take a detour or perhaps move in a different direction than we usually would take or choose; all because He has something different planned for us, a different way to use us, something beautiful to reveal to us.  

So today the Father challenged me to allow Him to be that guiding tool in my life.  To trust that He already has been and will continue to walk before me, making a clear beautiful path for me to walk down...I just have to be willing to put away my selfish, routine desires and ask Him to take the lead...Ask Him to grab me by the hand and guide me every step of the way.  And then, to just trust in Him the entire way through!  

As the Son was stretched across taking His last breaths upon the cross, He shouted to the Father, "Father, I entrust my spirit into your hands."  (Luke 23:46)...He set that example upon the cross.  He showed us the perfect example of how to relinquish all control, all trust, our all in all over to the Father. 

Give Him your hands.  Allow Him to guide you!!  

Don't be a Jonah...

Last week, during my quiet time I was lead to read the book of Jonah, and I have since constantly found myself thinking “Sam, don’t be a Jonah.” 

We know that Jonah was commanded by the Father to go to Niveveh and perhaps do a difficult, culturally unpopular task of calling the city out against their evil ways.  But, instead of obeying this command, Jonah quickly fled the other direction – running as far away from the Father as He could - Leading him to be out at sea in the midst of a storm…in which he was ultimately cast from the boat…resulting in him being swallowed by a large fish, in which he spent three days and three nights.  These were three days in which Jonah pr@yed to the Father diligently, and having mercy upon Jonah, the Father allowed him to bit spit forth out of the fish. 

SO, as we all know, the Father provided Jonah a second opportunity.  He called Jonah for a second time to go forth out into Nineveh – sharing the same message He told him before….This time, Jonah listened.

But, why….Why did it take Jonah being swallowed up, and spending three days and three nights in the body of a fish, for him to realize the seriousness of the Father?!  Why did Jonah not obey the Fathers command the first time the Father called him to go?!  Why was Jonah so crazy as to think that He could possibly run away from the Father?! 

But, aren’t we all Jonah’s at some point and time?! 

We all try to run away from the Father’s calling at some point and time in our life – for some reason or another.  And I think that we can all attest to the fact that much like Jonah’s experience, there is no boat we can catch, no plane we can take, no mountain we can hide out in….there is nowhere that we can go to escape the Father.  We can try to run, we can try to escape…But, at the end of the day, He reigns. 

The Father has created each of us for very specific reasons.  And He commands each of us to do very specific tasks for Him, for His glory.  Much like Jonah’s task, the Father doesn’t tell us that these commands will be easy, will be accepted, will be liked, and He doesn’t always promise to use us in areas in which we feel comfortable…..In fact, we see many times in scripture that these commands can try one, they can challenge one, and they can push one. 

But the beauty of it all is that He is greater than this world.  He isn’t going to call any of us to fulfill a command, and then leave us stranded and abandoned.  There is nothing more beautiful to me, nothing more reassuring to me, than reading through the Word and seeing how time after time, when the Father calls someone to do something in His name, He equips them – HE provides them with the wisdom, the knowledge, the courage, the power, the ability to complete His need.

 

Lesson:  Don’t be a Jonah.  Don’t run away from the Father.  Instead, to run directly towards the Father.  Accept and fulfill His commands when He reveals them to me/you, the very first time!  

Filtering....

This past week I have been so incredibly convicted of something that absolutely breaks my heart…and it is something that I just feel I must share with you all. 

As a child of the Father I know that I am called to spend time with Him each day - digging into His Word and conversing with Him through prayer.  Although I became a believer at a young age, this quiet time with the Father was never something that I truly understood and made time for each day….However, I can tell you today that it is something that I worked diligently on making time for within this past year.  This time that I am able to spend with the Father each day is beautiful – as I am able to be taught, fed, encouraged, uplifted, and challenged.  This part of my day is something that I truly cherish and long for each morning as I begin my day. 

But, here lately this time has been getting shafted. 

As a part of this ever changing, fast pace society, life has become very busy lately.  My nights no longer revolve on a grandma schedule – as they require me to stay up much later.  And, my mornings seemingly begin earlier and earlier, as I try to squeeze as much as possible into the day.

 

So as a person who loves to go, go, go…as a person who loves to be involved, be hands on, be interactive, be in constant communication and engaging in life….This past week I have seemingly found myself becoming majorly unfocused.  I have found myself not able to concentrate on any one thing; because I am constantly thinking about so many other things in that exact moment. 

In the morning, during my time with the Father, I have begun to find myself having to go back and reread the passage over again – because I can’t for the life of me recall what I just read one minute prior.  Often times, these random thoughts, or tasks, seemingly cause me to end up shifting my quiet time with the Father to a time other than the morning…or worse, I just perhaps end up cutting it short. 

In daily conversations with people, I continue to find myself saying, “huh” “what” “say that again” “okay, I’m listening now”……

Through this crazy, busy life – I am finding myself seemingly killing myself to engage in everything there possibly is to do.  But, in doing that, the quality of which I am engaging and doing things is much less than my very best.  Instead of being whole heartedly into one thing and giving it my all for a designated amount of time, I tend to give it about fifty percent – because I am too focused on life’s next upcoming event.

SO, just the other day a friend sent me this picture….People in Europe take their coffee seriously….(Don’t tell people you drink instant coffee or love Starbucks – you’ll get judged for sure)

Throughout this week, I have thought about this particular image often.

 

The point of the filter is to allow a wonderful substance (grounded coffee beans) to be turned into something that one can enjoy – coffee.  Coffee is a substance in which awakens one for the day.  It is something fulfilling, something that is sustainable, something that is energizing….that is rejuvenating.  It provides a substance that makes any bad, exhausting morning, a bit more thrilling and bright!

But, as I sat pondering the busyness of life, and the conviction I have been having this past week, I couldn’t help but think to myself….what do I need to filter out of my life; in order to allow my cup to be filled with Him each morning.

His Word should be the “coffee” that my body requires each morning – His Word fills me, sustains me, energizes me, and rejuvenates me.  So, why am I cutting back my time in His Word, why am not focusing on the Word as I read it, why am I not giving Him 110% of me during time….why am I filtering Him out, and allowing other worldly things to be filtered in?!?

There is something wrong with this.

So this upcoming week, I am striving to not only fill my cup with Him each morning – but, I am seeking for it to overflow.  Perhaps this may mean that I have to filter out other things.  Perhaps I will have to learn to say no (although that can be hard) to other events, and so forth…..But, without Him, nothing else is possible.  My day is nothing without starting it off with Him first.  Giving Him fifty percent of me is not an option this week…I want all of Him.  I want to walk with Him, grow with Him, learn from Him, seek Him.  And allow everything to filter in after, slowly dripping in drop at a time.   

YOLO

YOLO

If you've ever been around me for even thirty minutes within the past year or so, you've probably heard me say "YOLO" at least once....and more than likely I used it in the completely wrong context.  (I get called out for doing so all the time.)

"YOLO tends to be my life phrase for every situation, every trial, every adventure, everything!

A while back I was read a blog on how "YOLO" is an ignorant phrase in which we shouldn't say...that it is just simply a phrase that allows/permits stupidity to be acceptable and tolerated. 

...When we break apart this overly used acronym we know that it stands for "You Only Live Once."  So yes, we can easily see where the phrase would allow for stupidity and ignorance to enter into ones realm of life...I didn't/don't disagree with the view that this particular blogger had.  But, lately my heart has been burdened with a new way of viewing this ever so popular phrase. 

What would happen if we looked at this phrase from an eternal standpoint?!?

In Galations 2 I read:  "My old self has been crucified with C.  IT is no longer I who live, but C who lives in me.  So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of G, who LOVED me and GAVE Himself for me...."

As C's we know, as I just quoted from the Word, that upon accepting C into our hearts that we are called to die to ourselves, and live for Him each day. 

I can't help but wonder what life might be like if each C around the world woke up in the mornings and said, "YOLO - Today I will live for HIM."

Sincerely, take a moment and think about what our world would look like if each C around the globe truly woke up in the morning with the attitude of - "You Only Live Once - Today, in each moment of this beautiful day that He has blessed me with, I will live it out for Him...."

In dying to ourselves, and living for Him, we know that this means we are allowing the HS to consume our daily walk, our life, and take full control of us.  Nothing that we say, act, think, or do can/would be for our benefit; but for His. 

We have seen this type of YOLO living through the perfect example that C set for us during His walk on this earth.  We know that He washed the feet of His disciples, He ate among sinners and tax collectors, He spent time sharing life with the sick, diseased, and those possessed by demons.  This life most certainly was frowned upon and judged by others; but, C could not have cared less what others thought of Him.  

Is this concept of dying to oneself and living a C like "YOLO" life hard?!?  Yes, yet it is.  It is definitely not man's way of living.  In today's world, it is most definitely not the easiest route to take in living life.  It is not even close to being the norm.  More than likely it will not be accepted very easily.  And, if I had to guess, it will perhaps look straight ignorant and stupid to some...But who cares?!?

I challenge myself and all of us C's across the globe to live our lives in a YOLO fashion!  Let the Sp1rit consume you today and follow whatever He calls you to.  Love on the unlovable, eat with the homeless, serve the needy, sit down with someone of a different faith and have a conversation, visit the sick...Let's open our hearts, our eyes, our minds, and be transformed to live this day for Him! 

 YOLO today.  YOLO, live for Him! 

Peter 2: 

"By His divine power, G has given us everything we need for living a G life....In view of all this, make every effort to respond to G's promises.  Supplement your fa1th with a generous provision of moral excellence, and moral excellence with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with patient endurance, and patient endurance with g0dliness, and g0dliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love for everyone."

Devotion

During my time in Africa, sure I most definitely loved the luxurious life of being surrounded by my other M friends.  After having not been in America over three months, there wasn’t much more that my soul needed than to worship our so ever faithful, loving Father in English!  Being able to pr@ise Him through songs, that I actually understood the meaning and words of, sitting beside some of my dearest brothers and sisters in Him…it was sheer blissfulness.  To be honest, although I love going to chRch here in the City, it is very exhausting – as I sit surrounded by many people that I can barely communicate with, singing songs that I constantly am having to ask the understanding of, and doing my own personal “quiet time” in the midst of a serm0n being pre@ched – simply because I have no idea what the pastor is saying, besides a word or two in every sentence….Too say the least, in Africa, my cup was running over with this time of fellowship!  Each song blessed my heart and hit home.  Each time P@stor Ken spoke, it was as if the Father was saying - “Hey, this is for you.”  There also was nothing better than being able to have all of us jpeople piled up sharing the highs and lows of life together.   I don’t have the words to convey the rejuvenation that this provided me…The Father new the timing of this trip would be perfect and much needed.

But, besides these beautiful moments that the Father used to bless and encourage me with, there was something else that was laid upon my heart by the Father.  Something that perhaps is very thought provoking, and perhaps one that may not make sense in the beginning….So I am going to do my best to convey what has been laid upon my heart so dearly these past few weeks.

By no means within writing this am I trying to say I agree with the Mus faith and beliefs…However, as a C, as a follower of Chr1st, I do think that Mus’ have some very strong, devout ways of which I think we as C’s can learn from. 

Yes, I think that we C’s can learn from Mus’.  Just as Mus’ can learn from us.  Hear me out on this….

To begin with, let’s think about the Mus rituals found within the R@madan season.  For one month, Mus’ fast.  All devout Mus’ who have reached the age of puberty, except for very specific and designated reasons, are called to participate in this ritual; as it is one of the five Isl@mic p1llars of fa1th.  During this month of fasting, no food is to be had, no liquids are to be drank, no other pleasures are to be taken in from the time of sun up, to sun down, each day; if an event occurs in which causes one to break the fast for that day, the day must be made up or a different act is to be performed.  

As we sit in our comfy homes as C’s, wearing our shorts and t-shirts during this month, we can’t help but ask why or how is this possible?!  Why do Mus’ do this?  How do they manage to go all day, some living in the dead heat of an African/Middle East summer, and not have anything to eat, much less drink?  Are they crazy?!

Crazy…dangerous…perhaps both…But, devoted?  YES.  Written within the Isl@mic book is this – “‘O’ you who believe, fasting is prescribed for you as it was prescribed for those before you so that you may achieve Taqwaa (righteousness, Dad-fearing).”  Their prophet also once stated, “Whoever observes the fast during the month of R@madan, (while) believing in All@h and seeking his rewards, will have his past sins forgiven.”

As you can see, fasting during the month of R@madan is looked at as an action in which draws one closer to All@h – an act that is performed out of obedience of the heart, to seek his pleasure and righteousness.  It is during these fasting days in which Mus’ are called to pr@y and draw closer to him. 

As a C….I know that my sins have already been forgiven by the death and resurrection of JC.  I know that upon accepting Him into my heart, that my sins were wiped away.  Leaving there to be nothing that I can ever do now to be accepted or rejected by the Father.  As a sinner, s@ved by His Grace, I will continue to mess up daily (that is just natural human tendencies for us all) but, there is no amount of fasting that I can do to seek his pleasure and righteousness…Through Chr1st I am given this freely; to have forever and always.

But, as a child of Dad, I believe that we are commanded to fast as well.  Yet, this command is one in which I feel we have lost and left behind; mainly for the inconveniences of it.  Fasting is in the Word – as seen in both OT (Moses) and NT (Chr1st).  Although it is not a tool in which we should use to erase our sins; fasting, as told in the Word, is to be utilized as a time in which C’s humble themselves before the Father, diving deep into the Word and pr@yer.  This time should allow for one’s true heart to be revealed, transformed, and grow richer and richer in relationship with the Father.

What the Word doesn’t tell us is how long too fast for or when to fast…So as C’s, through my experience of fasting (which I will say has been little), I have seemingly seen fasting to be more a group effort – praying specifically for a certain event, need, or concern.  I can honestly say that I never truly understood fasting until this year – that is sad for me to admit; having been a C since at eight.

…And to follow that up, when we as C’s fast, we tend to only fast for a few hours, a day, or at the most – perhaps we will fast through lunch, for one week…..Nothing compared to the extremeness that one sees in R@madan.  And I know for me personally, after just a few hours, I have often found myself complaining and whining – often times becoming “hangry.” This is a little term that I learned from an African friend, during R@madan, who was trying to state that he was hungry, in English.  What a true, real word this misspoken word is – I know when I am hungry, I too become angry.  I couldn’t imagine how “hangry” I would be if fasting for a month….especially have no water to even drink in the summer heat of a place such as Senegal.

But, isn’t that the point?!  For the Mus’ the point is to draw closer to All@h.  But, as C’s, isn’t the point to place your body, mind, and spirit into a pr@ying realm in which you are so engulfed by the Sp1rit that you truly need nothing else, relying on nothing else, seeking nothing else….

And the only way for us to do that is to truly remove those things in which we tend to seek and go to first; before we can lay humbly at the feet of the Father in pr@yer.  Shouldn’t He be the first thing that we go to?  And shouldn’t every pr@yer that we pr@y be diligent, meaningful, heartfelt, intentional, and constant.

As C's we need to have a spirit of pr@yer.  We should be so in tune with the Father that our every though reflects Him.  I do not believe in the Mus' "forced" pr@yer, but there is something to be learned by their devotion to daily pr@yer...

Mus’ are called to pr@yer five times a day; each lasting between fifteen to twenty minutes.  Most devout Mus’ pr@y at least these five times during the day, due to the fact that they feel this is their duty  – according to Isl@mic laws.  These prayers are neither free nor voluntary; it is a time in which Mus’ are called to recite their book, proclaiming their surrender to All@h.  Pr@yers are viewed as a way of erasing bad deeds, and replacing them with good deeds.

As a C, I know that there is no amount of pr@yers that I can say that can turn my bad deeds into good ones.  All I have to do is ask for forgiveness and it is through His Grace that I am s@ved and made acceptable to stand before the Father’s throne one day.  No amount of good deeds or bad deeds will allow me to stand before Him and enter those gates one day – only forgiveness through His Son.

All throughout the Word I see the call, the imperativeness of pr@yer….But, there is no one standing over me telling me when, how, or what to pr@y.  Pr@yer, in the C realm, is a time in which one humbles themselves before the Father – diving into conversation with Him.  Expressing one's sins.  Seeking forgiveness, advice, help, discernment, and healing for various scenarios and people.  A time to sit and listen to the Father for direction.  But, how many times a day, how much time a day, do we truly sit in doing this with the Father?!  I can honestly tell you that I fail in this aspect of my walk.  I most definitely do not spend seventy-five minutes a day (plus) with the Father in conversation.  It is a good day if I spend fifteen minutes of solid pr@yer with Him a day – and I don’t mean surface talk, I mean deep intentional talk. 

So during this R@madan season what is the main take away lesson that we can see and learn from Mus’?!....DEVOTION.

Again, please know that I do not believe in the Isl@mic faith and culture.  I have not moved across the ocean and been brainwashed by anyone but my He@venly Father.  But, at the same time, I do think that Mus’ do display certain characteristics in which we C’s can learn from; and, if utilized could grow us in our walk with the Father.

What would happen if every C across the globe spent a day fasting at the same time?  And instead of whining, what if we spent this time reading the Word and we sent up deep, intentional pr@yers to our Heavenly Father.  We know that scripture not only calls us to fast and seek the Father in pr@yer alone; but, it also tells us that there is power in numbers.  Can you imagine if all the C’s across the globe pr@yed the same pr@yer, at the same time?  For a day…For a week…For a month?! 

I can’t help but look at these characteristics and be motivated to grow in my walk with the Father.  Motivated to follow the command to fast.  Motivated to spend more time in pr@yer and conversation with Him. 

This is just some food for thought, and something that has truly been laid upon my heart lately.  I see this as a challenge that is presented to me, through these traditions/beliefs.  

What Do You Do?!

What do you do when life becomes hard?  What do you do when everything you have ever known is gone, and everything placed before you are things you have never seen?  What do you do when everyone you have ever been around is thousands of miles away?  And, you don’t know the language in an effective manner so you cannot speak to the new people around you?  What do you do when your heart is with your family – in hospitals, doctor’s office, or just at home?  What do you do when you find yourself lonely and alone?  What do you do when you silence creeps in?  What do you do….Where do you go?!

Before heading to the field the common phrase that was said to me was – “you are really going to suffer for the L0rd aren’t you?!”

In this blog I want to be as transparent as I can possibly be with you. 

I am definitely very fortunate that the Father has placed me in a city where I can pretty much easily access everything that I could need and want – things may be different, but I have all life necessities I could want/need here.  

I most definitely do not “suffer” in the sense that most people would commonly think of.  So how in this type of set up, how in this particular placement, is it that I often times find myself completely alone or upset? 

These first three and half months on the field have definitely been a roller coaster – filled with many highest of highs, and dropping to the lowest of lows.  I have found myself crying with tears of laughter during a morning language session, to leaving school mad and upset when leaving in the afternoon.  I have found myself surrounded with wonderful friends one moment, to feeling completely alone the next.  I have found myself loving the different restaurant options, to missing the down home country biscuits and gravy!  I found myself being able to fulfill a lifelong dream (being in Africa), yet desperately wanting so badly to be home with my family!

Although these three months have been filled so many adventures – from school, to visiting foyers, to sharing life in my teammates apartments with some of our people group, to see the Eiffel Tower and all the touristy spots, to finding the best creperie around, to seeing life in Africa…There has most definitely been times where none of that mattered.   There have been times where I have never felt more alone.  Times where I wanted to be at home with my family celebrating events that were going on, or sitting at a hospital waiting on results.  Times where I wanted my friends to laugh and act ridiculous with.  Times where I wanted to never ride the train again; where I would give anything to ride through the country back roads with the windows down and my radio turned up.  Times where I literally felt so alone, and honestly just saddened….

So what do you do in those ruts of life?  Because home or abroad, those ruts do occur, and you have to find a way out.  You have to find your happy place again.  You have to find the joy in life again…So how?!

 

Lately, when the quiet creeps in and when stress comes upon me – I cannot help but smile at the Father.  At home when I was surrounded by everyone and everything I had ever known I can honestly say that I never took time to sit and talk to the Father.  On my way into school each morning, I would sing praises to Him with KLove and spend time talking to Him then; but I never took time to rely on Him for everyday life necessities.   Rather, I would turn to my family and friends for their advice, guidance, and support.

Now, here me out on this as well…I have the most incredible support system.  Getting cards, emails, texts, etc literally brighten my day like none other.  More than anything, I praise the Father for blessing me with people who I know without a doubt, when I am in one of these ruts, I can text and they will lift me up to the Father right away.  But, when I look at these people – they are all a part of HIS body!  And, as His body, that is what we are called to do – simply share life together – to lift each other up, to be there for one another, to rejoice when one rejoices and hurt when one hurts…BUT we are not called to rely on those people more than we rely on the Father (which is what I have been doing for my whole life until now). 

So if there is one thing that this stillness, this quietness, this massive change of newness has taught me it is that I serve a Father who is dying for me to rely 110% on Him – not anyone else or anything else.  He longs for me to find joy in Him, to seek Him in those darkest/quietest time.

And so in those moments, I have found myself being called to read His Word, and to go to Him in pr@yer.  And I cannot express to you enough how in these moments He has never failed me – but instead, He has always provided me with the Words and encouragement that completely changed my mindset and lifted my spirits! 

So in these few months on the field, I have learned something that I should have learned a long time ago.  Having been a believer since I was eight, and am currently twenty-four, I am almost ashamed to admit it took me that long to realize the imperativeness and necessity of relying on Him.  But, I am glad that I have figured it out at twenty-four, instead of forty-two. 

I love relying on the Father for daily encouragement, Word, and wisdom.  He is enough.  He is all we need. 

If you are not relying on the Father today, if you are trusting Him, believing Him, listening to Him, talking to Him, reading His Word…I encourage you to wait no longer!  Dive into your walk with Him and get connected.  You’ll be amazed at what He does!  Trust me.  

A Late Night Train Ride...

A couple weeks ago, I learned the biggest lesson that I have probably could ever learn.  A lesson that I wish I would have learned and realized a few years ago.  A lesson that has made me ashamed of the statements that I said in the past.

One night each week we have team meetings in the City, and they inevitably always run late – due to our love for talking to each other, and playing cards!  A couple weeks back, as we were boarding the late night train to come home, we had to literally leap across streams of pee in the stinky station and run to get on the train in time – only catching the back end of the train before it took off. 

As we had to stand in the back end of the train, it was the four of us j-people, a quiet man standing off to the side drinking a beer, and….two drunk/high younger guys.  As the four of us crazies jumped on the train, we were quickly approached by these two younger guys – loudly telling us in French to be quiet, to hush, and saying other inappropriate things at us.

 

This ridiculousness continued for quite a few minutes, and it increasingly grew in harshness, loudness, and obnoxiousness…if we didn’t have the boys with us, I would have been a bit nervous.  But, what happened next I will never forget.

The man standing to my side, leaned over to me and said (in Franglish) – “Do not worry.  If they cause trouble, I will take care of you.”  I did my best to muster out a “merci” to this sweet gentleman.  Knowing he was there, and was on our side, alone was relieving. 

As the two young guys left the train, we all felt relief.  As we were all discussing how crazy the young guys were and how rude they were to us, the older man began to engage in conversation with my teammate, T.  Within their conversation, the man expressed how he was a Musl*m.  And then he said…

“You see we are not all bad people.  We are known for being bad, mean people – but, we all are not.  Just like this, just like me, some of us want to help people.” 

You see, I remember in 2001 when the Towers were hit, and as other incidences have occurred across the globe since then – I remember a number of times where my initial thought was, “Why are we in this war, why are we fighting for so long, why don’t we just blow the place up?!!!!”

But, after this discussion with this particular gentlemen, after listening to his heart….my heart broke.  I became ashamed of myself and my ignorant thoughts. 

How dare I be so incredibly ignorant as to group all Mus. into the same category. 

Yes, they may have different beliefs than I do.  Yes, we may not see eye to eye.  But, just like Christ*ans are not all the same; how dare I belief that all Musl*ms are the same – that they all are extremists.

 

The truth is this.  Just as this man said, most Mus. want to be as welcomed, as accepted, as trusted, as loved, as befriended as anyone else in this world….. They do not want to be labeled with this “bad,” “harmful” stamp that they tend to be labeled with. 

What I love most about this City is the fact that people are allowed to be themselves.  People are allowed to be free – to dress, to act, to do… to live life the way that they want to.  There is nothing more amazing to me than to ride the train, walk the streets, or walk into stores and see people of all races, ethnicities, cultures, and religions living life in the same place.

….And the reality of it is that our job is to simply LOVE these people, of all different backgrounds, no matter where we are.  We aren’t called to believe what they believe, and we aren’t called to walk in their same path of life.  Scripture just simply calls us to love. 

So I encourage you to break down your barriers, rid yourself of any prejudices and you may have.  Love those people around you today – no matter what color they may be, no matter what religion they are, no matter how they dress…Don’t be intimated.  Don’t be nervous.  Don’t prejudge them.  Don’t categorize them!!  JUST LOVE THEM.  Even if loving them starts with just a simple smile and hello – you have no idea how big of a difference that may make!