Life is nearly always divided into two roads - the hard road or the easy road. We all know that life isn't always simple and perfect; but, in the midst of those difficult times one can nearly always find a scapegoat and/or a way out. But, what is the point of that? Should we always be looking for that easy road?
I don't think so.
Multiple times over, in scripture, we can see that the Father tells us, shows us, and privdes us with the knowledge and preparation for the reality that life is going to be hard. And that it is in those moments where we must truly put our trust and faith in Him; knowing that as we walk that hard road, He will be there not to just hold our hand, but to go before us making a way And what a beautiful promise this has been for our family this year.
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A year ago today our hearts sank to the pits of our stomach as the doctors said that dreaded C word that makes one cringe upon hearing - Eddie was diagnosed with cancer.
Many times in life we as humans can prepare ourselves for that unwanted hard road, like cancer; if we know what is to be expected during our travel. However, the tables quickly turn and our attitude must quickly be adjusted when our idea of a hard road, is nowhere close to the reality.
And, for us that is exactly what happened.
As we prepared for Eddie's results to come back as cancerous, we felt good about our options and the type of cancer we thought we would be dealing with...But, all of that changed quickly as we learned that we were completely wrong - and were dealing with a monster. Neuroendocrine Carcinoma - aka - small cell lung cancer.
As we sat in those first appointments I remember the hurt in Dr. V's voice, the seriousness in her tone as she told us this was no game to play around with . As my heart just needed to hear what stage we were dealing with, I was floored when she told us there wasn't one - we were beyond that. We were past stage four.
As Dr. V sat and told us what our options were, what statistics were like...as our hearts continued to break...We realized we were no longer on the "hard road." We were quickly surpassed that, and by medical statistics were looking at a dead end road.
But, there was one statement that Dr. V made that I know gave us all the clarity we could ever need. There was nothing better she could have said, nothing truer that she could have said than this: "...But, I am not God."
In today's society, with the technology and medical advancements that have been made, it is easy for us as humasn to turn directly to the power found in that - finding hope in only the medical options and what the doctors can do for us. And when those options, those statistics are not very promising, it is easy for us to cae in, to give up, and to have no hope. Seeking whatever means possible to not be in pain, to be happy, to be able, to not cause hurt to anyone else, to escape the situation that we are currently in.
But personally, I do not think that is right. I do not think that is hwy He calls us into that hard time, whe He calls ut walk down that hard road. He doesn't call us to do hard, only to escape through easy. He calls us to hard, He calls us to impossible, so that we will run straight to Him with arms wide open, finding ourselves falling at His feet, turning full to Him.
As Fain, Alli, and I sat outside on the curb of the doctor's office, after hearing this dreaded first news...I remember looking at Fain as we both sat desperately hurting and grasping for hope and said, "We have two options. We can sit and cry, being mad and upset, OR we can look for Him in this situation - looking for ways to serve Him and make Him known, trusting in Him in every step we take."
And I couldn't be more thankful that I have a family who chose option two. A family that not only chose that hard road, to fight but chose to sprint after Him not allowing anything to tear us apart from His provision over this situation.
As we sit here at the one year mark, I can't help but praise Him this year for His faithfulness. By no means has this year been an easy year at all. It has been one of the hardest that our family has gone through. But, as I said before, the Father doesn't promise us that life is always going to be easy...This is only one of many, but look at this scripture from John....
"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart, I have overcome the world."
This doesn't say that you may have tribulation. No it says, "You will have tribulation. But, take heart; I have overcome the world." And this last part is where we have found our hope this past year. Where we have found our peace. Where we have found our strength in the valleys of this year. He has overcome the world.
I am currently reading through the book of Matthew. As I have sat this week reading over the miracles and healings that Christ performed during His time here on Earth, I keep reading and rereading one particular word over and over and over again - FAITH. As we read about Christ's healing of the sick, we constantly see Him saying "because you believed it, it has happened," "because of your faith, it will happen," and so on..
That faith alone, in Him, is what has sustained us this year; and what continues to sustain us. We know that He has not only heard our hearts cries, but has blessed us with a reason to turn those tears into joy. We know that He has felt our anger and has turned that anger into peace. We serve a Father who has heard every single one of our desperate prayers and has ultimately provided and covered each of those.
I left on a plane in April saying goodbye; a goodbye that I questioned would be my last as I looked at doctor's standards and statistics. But ultimately, finding peace and joy in the goodbye when the Father gave me His comfort and provision over the situation. Knowing that He was holding Eddie in His hands, that He had a plan to use Eddie, and trusting that He wasn't going to allow that goodbye to be the last. And how faithful those promises have been.
As I sit here today, we look at Eddie and stand amazed at how the Father has used Him and taken care of Him. He has opened doors for Eddie to share His testimony, and ultimately make Himself known. He has constantly provided doctors who are providing and working hard to take care of and give Eddie the best treatments possible. Eddie, for the most part, has been able to do. There have most definitely been some trying days; but, overall, he is still able to do whatever he puts his crazy mind to. And what a beautiful things to see!
Our God has surpassed medical standards and statistics. He called us to trust, we have, and He has ultimately proven that He is greater! There is nothing more amazing.
So, for me, I want to say THANK YOU. Thank you not only to our Heavenly Father who continues to blow me away each day; but, also to Eddie and Mom. Thank you for not backing down. Thank you for putting your full hearts, trust, and faith in Him - ultimately knowing that He is taking care of this situation and holding you both in His hand. Thank you for showing us what it means to live a life not of fear, but of hope and peace. Thank you for keeping a positive attitude. Thank you for not putting your faith in the statistics, but in Him. Thank you for taking the hard road with the best attitude any two people could ever have and not once looking back!
Today, as you head to the doctors, we are praying just like we do every day - praying for the Father to take care of you, Eddie. Trusting in the Father to provide; no matter what results we receive. Resting in His provision and love for you; knowing His plan for you is beyond our comprehension and overwhelmingly beautiful.
You may be chubby cheeked, but I am thankful for those chubby cheeks and the fact that I will be running down the terminal in one month with arms wide open hugging you! I can't stinking wait!
But, also THANK YOU to our prayer warriors. The Father has graciously blessed us with an amazing support system that has been relentlessly faithful in praying for Eddie, our family, and our situation. Thank you for meals that were provided and for people who took time to ride with Eddie to the doctors. Thank you! We know that the Father has heard each one of those prayers, and He has seen each one of your hands reaching out and helping, and we know that those will not go without reward. Without you, without your support, without your encouragement, this hard road would have been a million times more difficult. Thank you for making life a bit easier this past year, and please don't stop! Don't stop praying and lifting Eddie up each day.
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I also want to encourage anyone else who might be reading this blog, and may be walking a road that forever seems to be hard, difficult, and at times impossible. Don't give up. Don't try to find the easy way out.
I know that just in my network of people there are several others who are facing this same dreaded sickness - whether is is an adult, a child, or a baby. I just want to encourage each of you to not give up the fight, to not back down. Wake up each morning diving into the Word, relying on His promises for that that day to pull you through and help you thrive in this hard time. Find peace in knowing that He is reaching out His hand to you, desiring to not only love you through this time, to not only walk through life with you during this time, but to USE you! And there is nothing more powerful than allowing the Holy Spirit to guide your walk and your steps as you face this time in your life; allowing Him to use you and be His light in this dark world.
Be encouraged today. Rest in Him today. You don't have to face this hardship alone; there is something so much more beautiful than that...Turn to HIM!
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