First Week Lessons....

Hey everyone, I am sorry to just now be blogging about life in the new city, BUT honestly I am not sure where time goes here!  Although things are off to a fantastic start, things definitely are different than America – and time is one of those things.  Life is so much more different, and days just seem to pass by with the blink of an eye. 

…Since arriving last Monday, we have hit the ground running.  We were greeted at the airport by our wonderful team – who has truly welcomed us with wide open arms and loving hearts.  I could not ask to have joined a more welcoming team.  But, in part of our team leaving soon after our arrival, we spent the next couple days doing logistical things to get us acquainted to life here, the start of language school, and being a part of the team.

We also had a US team come in for a few days to “walk” the city.  This was a wonderful way to kick start life here!  There is nothing better than seeing your city for the first time, as you walk through lifting up the people, buildings, and places around you, to the Father.  The places that we were able to see during this time were truly eye opening and made me realize why the Father has called me to this city.

Sunday morning service was another highlight of the week.  Although I have no idea what announcements were made, and what was spoken to us, it was great to be in a building surrounded by like-minded friends!  I just smiled the whole way through, and read the passages in my English version.  But, after the service was most definitely my favorite part!  We were greeted with beautiful smiling faces, who were eager to know us and share life with us for the next two years – AND the best part, most of these friends know how to speak English (although it may be a little limited)!!  Once they asked me if I could dance, I instantly knew we would become best friends for my stay here in the city!  I proceeded by showing them my famous white girl skills. 

….Other than that, we have spent our first week just getting use to life here.  Trying to get phones and a bank account (which we are still working on), visiting our language school, getting train passes (PRAISE!), sightseeing, and so forth.  It has truly been an awesome start and I could not be more thankful to Him for that!        

Here are just a fewwww…okay 40 things, that I have learned during this first week….I hope you enjoy them! J 

1.        Forget the “push to start button.”  I now literally find myself running to jump on a train!

2.       Apparently in order for the train/metro doors to open you have to push a button!  AKA, they won’t just open if you stare at them.

3.       You “pay” to borrow a grocery cart, and then you get your coin back once you return it to the proper place.

4.       There is no sense of space – especially on trains.

5.       Trains are letters and metros are numbers.

6.       Friendliness totally occurs!!  If you are willing to smile and be friendly, it is amazing how people will respond – I have found most will smile and try to speak English back!

7.       Crepes, Boulangeries, and Pastry places are LEGIT. 

8.       The Eiffel Tower sparkles for five minutes at the top of each hour every night!  BEAUTIFUL.

9.       Coffee is a whole new level here – expensive, teacup size, and sooo not American style.  (Unless you pay like $10 for Starbucks)

10.   Credit cards only work ½ of the time.

11.   Time does not exist at all.

12.   We wash clothes on a prearranged schedule.

13.   Markets are CRAZY.

14.   Chipotle, McDonalds, KFC, Pizza Hut, IKEA, football, etc….American life is present here!

15.   The parks here are nooooo joke – insanely breathtaking!

16.   The phrase “our daily bread” is seriously taken here.  Bread is a constant at every meal and snack.

17.   PDA does not exist – this takes some getting used to….awkwardness.

18.   Being under 26 is beneficial.

19.   Coins are totally worth something here!

20.   Dinner happens at like 9pm.

21.   Being a grandma is impossible – learning to thrive with little sleep is an adjustment!

22.   When one hears thunder here you should probably run – getting caught in a hail storm makes for funny memories though.

23.   Things are smaller, yet double the price?!  

24.   Pandora doesn’t work. L  Depressing.

25.   Graffiti is everywhereeeee!

26.   Air conditioning does not exist here…hello fresh air!

27.   Dog poo apparently doesn’t need to be picked up off the sidewalks.

28.   “Sortie” means exit….You could walk around for a long time in the metro stations if you don’t know that…..

29.   Navigo passes make life so much better!

30.   The chocolate is amazing.

31.   I miss grills….I need a steak…seriously.

32.   Peanut butter is a prized possession.

33.   Haircuts are INSANELY expensive.  My boss, who is a man, told me I needed a haircut!!  Yep.  But, who pays 50euros for a haircut?!  Nope.  J

34.   Songs are not edited here at all and are played in any store.  AND, American artists are idolized.

35.   The public restrooms, like port-a-johns here, they wash themselves after each use.  Pretty cool. 

36.   The bike lane is for bike riders and not standing tourists.

37.   Prepare for the breaks on the trains/metros….worse than any chalkboard scratch everrr and it is never ending.

38.   People are free to completely be themselves here…it is amazing to see the different culture and people groups.

39.   Movies are played in different languages!  YES.

40.   ...LIFE IS FABULOUS!  

Doorways...

Have you ever taken time to just look at the different doors that you perhaps walk through or by every day? 

Some doors are bold in color; while others are dull.  Some doors are open wide open; while some doors are squeezed closed so very tightly.  Some open towards you; while others you must push in, to go through.  

Some doors turn constantly in motion; while others doors are rarely ever touched.  Some are very wide; while others are fairly narrow.  Some doors are wooden; some doors are clear.  Some doors are beautiful from the outside; while the building is a hot mess on the inside.  Some doors are ugly on the outside; while the building is beautiful on the inside.  Some doors open to a dead end; while other doors lead to more connecting doors. 

….You get my drift here. 

The doorways that we cross through on this Earth vary in so many ways.  But, just as these Earthly doorways vary, so do the doorways that the Father calls us to enter into. 

I would love to say that every door that He gives to us is painted with a bold beautiful hue of pink (my personal favorite color of choice), and leads to nothing but perfection once entering in.  But, sometimes, He calls us to enter into those darker doors that are perhaps in an alley way – trusting in Him to get us there safely…..Only because He has something amazing to offer us if we put our full trust in Him.  And sometimes, we have to walk through the alley way trusting fully in Him, only to find one door that leads to another dark room, which leads to another door entering into a dark room, which leads to another dark room – which requires us to grow in our trust in Him, growing in our dependence upon Him and Him only – which eventually leads to something we cannot even fathom, something only He could do, only He could make possible. 

And this is the exact doorway that my family has entered into. 

These past few months have felt like nothing but one big dark alley way.  To be up front with you, there has not been one doctor’s appointment where we were given good news – and after a while that begins to take a toll on one.  But, I will say that through it all, we – especially Eddie and Mom - have NOT once given up.  They have not thrown in the towel.  No, through it all they have continued to seek Him.  And He has been faithful!

The doorway that was last open for Eddie was to start a new chemo treatment through Wake Forest – not exactly the doorway that we wanted to have to walk through, but the only one seemed to even be slightly cracked open. 

So we trusted in Him to walk Eddie through this door, hold His hand, and provide what he needed during it.  This is a chemo treatment that was explained to be one of the worst for people to go through – meaning that he could become sick during the actual treatment and a couple of days after.  BUT, He was not.  Nope.  And during this treatment, he also began radiation – for the spot on his head.  That did not knock him down either. 

And we cannot give the credit to anyone for this, but the Father!!  He knew this was the doorway we would take, but He also knew that if we trusted in Him during this, He was going to hold Eddie in the palm of His hand and lead Him into yet again another doorway…..

A doorway which leads to Texas!!  (A HUGE DOORWAY)

As you all know, we have been told that MD Anderson in Houston is the place to go, for Eddie right now.  The trouble was that the doctor we wanted to see was full, and not accepting new patients.  But, PRAISE HIM – Eddie now has an appointment on Monday morning!! 

This is a doorway in which my family could not be more excited and overjoyed to go through.  This is a doorway that we have been seeking to be opened.

So, Eddie and Mom are heading out Friday, and are doing a little road trip to Houston – a very much deserved road trip. J They are going blindsided into Houston, with the hopes of hearing positive news and outcomes.  But, they are unsure of what this first appointment could lead to.  It may be that they get there and the doctors say what we don’t want to hear – that they cannot help Eddie.  OR, it may be that they say they have a medicine/opportunity that they feel confident will help cure Eddie.  And if this happens, then they will be staying out in Houston for an unknown amount of time. 

As I emailed with Mom today, it brought tears to my eyes to see the confidence, peace, and joy that she has in going to Houston.  As she told me today – it just seems as though God has divinely opened this door in such a way that He is also now providing ways for them to be able to stay out there for a while.   And that alone is beautiful.

….As I left on the plane a week ago, there was only one thing I was seeking from the Father - PEACE.  Peace in leaving my family during this time.  And peace He has given me this whole time, and peace He has given to them as well.  He is faithful!!!!  Nothing beats skyping your family from miles and miles away, and seeing them grin the whole time!  We are blessed.

SO, as Eddie and Mom run wide open through this open doorway to Texas, starting Friday afternoon, I ask that you lift them up!!  They are going fully trusting in Him – knowing that this door could swing open in many different ways. 

I ask that you go the Father asking for His Spirit to just fill their hearts like it never has before - That Friday as they drive, Saturday and Sunday as they do a little sightseeing and traveling, and Monday at the doctors, that they are just overwhelmed with His presence. 

I believe in going to the Father BOLDLY – And so each day, I do that.  I go to the Father asking that He lays His healing hands upon Eddie and performs a task that can never be done by human hands, but only by His healing powers.  And there is nothing more that I could ask of Him right now, than for Eddie to get to MD Anderson and hear the doctors say - we see nothing wrong with you.  Because we know HE is able!!

But, I also realize that that may not be His will for this situation.  Sooooo I ask for Eddie and Mom to seek Him no matter the results, and know that He is greater than anything else out there.  Ask for the doctors to be filled with the knowledge and wisdom to know how to help and to provide us with the best possibilities and options out there.  I believe in going to the Father seeking BOLDLY – and so that is exactly what I am doing, and am asking for you to help me do as well.  Let’s go BOLDLY, FERVENTLY, AUDACIOUSLY before HIM on Eddie’s behalf. 

I cannot stop smiling when I think about this door that the Father has opened.  I could not be more excited to see what He is about to do – because I can’t help but believe that He is telling me this is going to be okay!  He is faithful always.  He is good.  He is a healer.  My family and I put our full faith in Him and are anxious about the opportunity to enter into this door He has called us into! 

…..Again, I cannot write a blog without saying THANK YOU.  As I left in a hot mess last week, I left seeking peace, and peace He has provided.  This is a peace that I know is only possible through Him.  So thank you to each and every single one of you who is lifting my family and I up to Him during this time.  Your words are felt more than you will ever know. Thank you for helping in making this trip a bit easier and smoother for everyone.  Thank you for supporting and loving us.  We are blessed beyond measure to have the support that has been given to us.  He knew we could not get through this without you all, and we couldn’t.  From across the ocean, I know my family is being taken care of and I could not be more thankful.  From the bottom of my heart, thank you all.  I love you. We love you.  

...I will blog on life here hopefully tomorrow!  This update was more important to me.  Just know things are going WONDERFUL here!

A Journey for Peace

This week has seemingly proven to be one of the hardest weeks of my life.  A time of mass confusion for me.  A time where I should joyfully be shouting out loud for all to hear what He has done and is getting to do in and through me.  But, rather this week, I cried nearly every day - as good news seemed impossible to hear for anyone.  We were constantly given report after report, and suggestion after suggestion, but nothing seemed to be what we wanted to hear.  So all week long, I have battled with the Father - wanting selfishly to ask for an extended leave at home between training and departing for France.  But, there was never a moment where I got the answer I so selfishly wanted.  Never once did He tell me that it was okay to stay.  Instead, in those dark moments of practically pleading for this extension, He would remind me that He loved my family more than I, that His hands were wrapped around them, and that He had called me to GO and go now, trusting HIM while HE WOULD take care of them!    

So, truthfully, I began going to Him asking for peace.  If it was His will for me to get on the plane today, I needed the peace that only He could give me.  Because I am stubborn – and not getting my way on this answer has been VERY hard.  Although I heard clearly, and knew exactly what He was calling me to do, I still found myself battling and wanting to say no.  So I knew the only thing I could do at this point was to go to Him and ask others to go to Him on my behalf, asking for peace in leaving - asking that I would not completely melt down this morning on the first flight as I said goodbye.

And right now, as I sit in the DC airport, all I can do is REJOICE in HIS FAITHFULNESS.  Yes, I’ll say I shed a few tears this morning and held a lot more in, but as I sat in the airport I was filled with PEACE – peace that only could come from Him. 

You see, this weekend was one of the most precious weekends of my life.  I was surrounded constantly by people who I know He has placed in my life for a very specific reason – people who I love and cherish dearly – and people I KNOW without a doubt will take care of my family while I am gone.  Father took this weekend to remind me (rather smack me upside the head) to show me that everything is taken care of at home.  What a beautiful, beautiful, glorious moment it was yesterday to see my chRch family pr@y over me, and know that deep down they weren’t just lifting me up to Him – but rather my whole family – particularly Ed. 

So today, as I boarded the first flight, the peace that filled my heart was peace that only could come from Him.  And I pr@ise Him for it.  I pr@ise Him for giving me an incredible family – a family that through thick and thin is always there, and seeks Him for everything.  I pr@ise Him for wonderful friendships – friends that are more like family than friends.  I pr@ise Him for a church family who is like none other – a church family that I am beyond proud to call mine, a church that is on fire and ready to move, and a church that instills the qualities of being His body.  I pr@ise Him for my fellow M’s, my newest friends, that I know will last a lifetime, that are faithful in checking up on me daily and lifting up my concerns.  I pr@ise Him for a team that already seems like family – and rejoices in my happy times and pull me up in the sad times.  I pr@ise Him for my pr@yer warriors and partner churches that I know without any doubt are supporting and lifting me up each day. 

And, as you read this, please know that I am THANKFUL FOR YOU!  Thank you for being such a beautiful, special part of my life.  Thank you for loving me, supporting me, and lifting me up to Him.

I can honestly say without His still small voice constantly beating into my ear that HE is in control and WILL take care of Eddie, and without your pr@yers I probably wouldn’t be sitting in the airport right now – I would have asked and taken another week to stay at home.

But, I KNOW confidently that He has called me to GO and to GO today.  And for the first time all week, I have this rejuvenated JOYOUS spirit that feels confident in leaving and being sent forth!!  There is nothing like it.  I feel confident that He is using Eddie in a way that no one else can be used, and I PR@Y BOLDLY and confidently for Him to heal Eddie - heal Him like no one else can – just as no one else could provide the peace I have today.  Our Father is faithful.  He is almighty.  He hears our hearts cries, and every pr@yer we lift up to Him.  Soooo PLEASE don’t stop lifting him up to Father – for positive spirits, for wisdom, for healing!!  HE IS ABLE. 

….I also pr@y that if you are experiencing trials like this that you tap into Him, and dig deeper in your relationship with Him than you ever have.  I pr@y that you will rely on Him like you never have before – just as I am doing – and experience His love like never before!  I pr@y that you will also connect with those around you – whether family, friends, church family, whoever – seek out those prayer warriors, share your concerns with them, and ask them to lift you up to Him!  AND in saying that, please know that I would love to do that for you!  If ever you need to be lifted up, know I am here, and would love to go to the Father on your behalf. 

I love you all. 

Here is to a new journey.  A journey where trusting, believing, and relying on Him is the ONLY way.  A journey that has my heart set on fire!  

A broken heart. A jealous Father. A lesson learned in loving Him.

This past week has been a really big whirl wind – as I have been filled with every emotion one could possibly have, from moments of sheer happiness and laughter to moments of breakdown and heart breaks.    

In the past couple of weeks though there have been a couple of words and lessons that the Father has been trying to teach me.

Although I was always His and He has always been mine, I don’t think that I truly understood the meaning of truly loving Him above all else.  Just a few days ago my second niece was born – a lifetime event that I missed due to training, knowing I could never go back and have done over again.  This proved to be very hard for me.  Although I tried to pull myself together during the day, I found myself breaking down that night as I continued to get the pictures and updates about this sweet, precious addition to our family.  If you know me well, you know I don’t miss out on family things – this was the first event I have missed.  But, as I sat selfishly crying, because I couldn’t be there, one of my dear friends came in and provided me with some words of encouragement. 

She brought M@tthew 10:37 to my attention:
“If you love your father or mother more than you love me, you are not worthy of being mine; or If you love your son or daughter more than me, you are not worthy of being mine.   If you refuse to take up your cross and follow me, you are not worthy of being mine.  If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it.  Anyone who receives you receives me, and anyone who receives me receives the Father who sent me.”

And yet again, upon hearing and reading these Words written my Him, I couldn’t help but realize something I had been missing, something I had failed to do…..I think, shamelessly, it is safe to say that I have probably loved my family and friends more than I have loved the Father most of my life.  Although my love for Him continues to grow daily and I understand His love for me, I have never TRULY, whole heartedly loved Him above everything else in my life – especially my family. 

So, on this night, I learned this hard lesson.  As His follower, I am called to place Him first.  He is a jealous G0d – one that wants my all, one that wants me to love Him first.  And there is no way that I can go overseas and love my family and friends more than I love Him – I cannot possibly share effectively the love He has for us, I cannot fully be with Him if I do not love Him more than this life He has blessed me with here on this earth.  He must be the consumer of my heart.  My love, my passion, my relationship with Him should be so incredibly strong and powerful that none other could possibly compare. 

As this realization set in, my heart just broke; I realized I have spent all of these years still not fully grasping the realization of what I was doing.  During these next two years there will be a lot of things that I will miss out on here at home, there will be times where my heart is saddened for being away from dear family and friends – yet, what I have come to realize is that my love for Father should be so incredibly great that I’m okay with missing those things, because I know I am in His will for my life.

….But, as I say this, this realization continues to get harder and harder for me.  The Father is continuing to show me this lesson and make sure that I realize the vastness that I am supposed to love Him, and how in loving Him I am called to trust Him with every fiber of my being.

As last Wednesday came, the family came up for my ceremony at training.  Although this was a beautiful day celebrating the calling of so many sent out ones, my heart was yet again breaking – but breaking in ways that I didn’t know how to handle my emotions.  So, I as I went through the motions of Wednesday, I was in a fog for sure.  It was Thursday morning that I broke down and fell apart. 

You see, the chemo that Eddie has been taking should have zapped the cancer.  It is one of the highest forms of chemo – yet, it didn’t work.  Although those particular spots have not grown, they have not decreased either and other places have appeared.  So, in saying that, we are kind of stuck at a cross point on what direction to take.

So this week we have appointments every day.  Today he has a simple booster shot here in Elkin.  Then tomorrow we will be going to Duke to get a second opinion from them – and see some of their options.  Then, on Wednesday, we will be going to Baptist to do scans of the liver area to check certain spots  to see if they are cancerous or not.  If they appear to be cancerous in the scans, the next step will be to biopsy them at some point.  On Thursday, we will also be meeting with a radiologist to see about radiation treatments for the spot on Eddies head.  As this spot has grown in size, it is now becoming a concern and we are looking to see if radiation is the best option for it.  Then, on Friday, we will be going back to Baptist again to speak with their doctors about clinical trial options. 

So in saying that we have a VERY big week ahead of us.  Right now we have no news that is 100% certain.  The doctors cannot promise us anything.  As Eddie will be completing round six of chemo next week, there are decisions that must be made.  There is another form of chemo that can be taken, but the percentage of effectiveness is love - for this particular type of cancer.  OR, we can choose to do clinical trial options.  And, in doing clinical trials, although we are leaning towards one that is done by Baptist – there are still other hospitals that we might could possibly work with, or they may say something completely different.  We are currently looking at a hospital in Pennsylvania and one in Texas has been suggested, as well as a couple others. 

As you can see there is A LOT to figure out and A LOT of decisions to be made.

SOOOOOOO, in saying all of this, we are asking for your pr@yers during this time.  I am asking you to pr@y first and foremost that we continue to see His will in all of this, and are filled with a peace and knowledge that only the HS can provide us with.  We have no doubt that He is holding us, holding Eddie, in the palm of His hand right now.  We have no doubt that He will be glorified in this in some way.  But, it is also seemingly easy to get frustrated and down.  So please pr@y that as we go to all of these appointments this week that we will continue to see Him in all of this, and that we are given uplifted spirits to stay positive and strong in Him.  We have no idea at all why this is happening and we don’t even try to pretend that we do – BUT, we know that He knows the plan and that His plan is far greater than anything we could ever fathom. 

Pr@y that we are given clarity from Him on what direction and steps to take next – whether that is the other form of chemo or the clinical trials – and if we do clinical trials which hospital to work with.  We are seeking clarity from Him on what direction to take next.  Pr@y for the doctors and that they continue to be bold, truthful, and honest.  Pr@y that they too are seeking Him in all of this, and are in His will for this plan. 

And lastly, please pr@y for us as family.  Pr@y for Ed to stay positive, to stay upbeat, to stay strong in Him.  Right now it is easy to give up and give in, but that isn’t Eddie.  He is a fighter, and even more, he knows that He has a plan for his life.  Pr@y through it all that Eddie continues to seek Him, feel Him, and is filled daily with the HS’s peace beyond all understanding.   Pr@y for my sweet mama – that she remains strong.  She is toughest woman I know.  We know that the Father will never give us more than we can handle WITH Him.  Through my entire life I have seen my mama go through a lot, but not once has she wavered in her faith with Him.  What a beautiful woman of Him she is.  Please pr@y for her to continue to stay strong and know that He is right here with her every step of the way.  Pr@y for Alli as she tends to be home the most and is continuing to finish her masters.  Pr@y for Fain and Josh – that they continue to be strong and rely on Him for understanding through this all.  Pr@y for Liv, as she is about to have the two babies to herself, while Jamie is gone.  And last, pr@y for Jamie and I as we are both about to leave our family in a time like this.  Pr@y for Jamie’s safety during his deployment.

….To be honest with you, to be as transparent as I can be, I don’t want to leave right now.  Leaving my family during this time is not ideal and if I had it my way I would move my time back a bit, so that I could stay home.  But, I know that is not what I am called to do.  Again, Father calls us to LOVE HIM more than anything or anyone else – and in loving Him we are called to trust Him with the other things in life that we love.  So although leaving here, in just one week, is super hard – what a comfort it is to know that the Father has His hand on them and is taking care of them.  Father’s love for Eddie is a love so great, I cannot comprehend it.  In Luk, JC tells us “And the very hairs on your head are all numbered.  So don’t be afraid…”  Ps@lm 139 reminds us so beautifully of His love for us and His knowledge of our life; as we are reminded that He knew us before we were born – He knit us together so delicately in our mother’s womb – He hears our hearts cry and knows our every thought. 

Although I love Eddie and my family, I cannot comprehend the love that the Father has for them.  So within His words, I find the peace and comfort that I need during this time.  But, please pray that I continue to take time daily this week to constantly dig into His word and spend precious alone time with the Father each day.  Pray that the HS removes the sadness in my heart, overwhelms me with joy while I am home with my family this week, and provides me with a peace like none other for leaving.    

We need your prayers during this time.  We are so incredibly blessed with a wonderful support system that we are forever grateful for, and right now I am asking you to pray for my sweet family in this week and the weeks to come. 

Is 41:9-10

“I have called you back from the ends of the earth, saying, ‘You are my servant.’  For I have chosen you and will not throw you away.  Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.  Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you.  I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.”

Bipolar Pr@yers

To be real honest with you if you were to get my pr@yer journal from this week, you would have thought I was bipolar.  This week I found myself struggling with praying two different pr@yers for the very same person, the very same reason.

This week, Eddie went in on Wednesday for retests to evaluate how the cancer was reacting to treatments.  Being away from my family during this has definitely been the hardest thing for me.  So as you can imagine, all I possibly want is for this wicked disease to be removed from his body.  I wanted it gone for his sake, for my mom’s sake, for Jamie, Liv, Fain, Josh, and Alli’s sake, for Harvey and Dixie’s sake…Let me take a moment and PRAISE Father for the health that Eddie has kept and endured during treatments thus far.  I think things have probably gone as smoothly as anyone could ever hope for; but, that isn’t enough for me – I want it goneeeeeee.    

So, as I sat journaling my pr@yers to the Father Tuesday night, before the tests on Wednesday, this is what I found myself writing….

“….L0rd tonight I come praying BIG, asking BIG prayers – pr@yers that only you can fill!  L0rd, You are the healer.  You are the one true doctor and cure all AND tonight, I come to you asking for you to lay your healing hands upon Eddie Father.  L0rd, I know I am pr@ying selfishly to you right now, but I just wish it to be gone and removed by Your power….L0rd, I also realize that this very well may not be your plan.  And L0rd, if it is not, I just pr@y that you give us the power to accept whatever news we receive.  I pr@y that my family remains hopeful in knowing you are ALL over this situation, and NOTHING touches Eddie that doesn’t first touch you.  L0rd, this week, I’ve seemingly found a theme of healing and everything I ‘ve read within Your Word this week.  I pr@y deeply tonight that you’d heal Eddie tonight…..But, L0rd either way, we will still seek to glorify YOU no matter what results we do receive.  For we know that you have a plan for this situation and this time….Lord, condition our hearts to accept whatever Your will is.  Hold my family tight tomorrow, and let them feel your Sprite dwelling within them tomorrow, knowing you are with them always….”

…..Yesterday, my small group was reading from Luke 11 – learning about pr@ying persistently.  I have nooooo doubt that Father knew this was a reminder that I so desperately needed to hear – because, today we received the results. 

PRAISE HIM nothing new showed up and no spots had grown in size.  Yet, at the same time, nothing had become smaller either.  So, to be real honest and transparent with you, I will admit there was a small part of me that was for a second sad.  I truly honestly wanted nothing more than to hear a glimpse of great news today….But, within that split second, I also felt a sense of peace in knowing that this is Him saying He has a bigger, better plan – a plan that will glorify Him through and through – so we just have to be patient and trust in Him. 

I think often times, especially for me lately – we read stories over and over again of how powerful He is – He can heal the sick, heal the paralyzed, bring the dead back to life, and cast demons out of people.  We know how truly powerful our Father is, and we expect that He will perform these very same miracles for us whenever we call upon Him. 

Yet, that isn’t the way it works!  Two things.  Our version of "healing" may not always be how He see's healing for a particular situation.  AND, unfortunately, there is another aspect of life that we often times like to suppress, and that is suffering. 

Philippians 1:29 – “For you have been given not only the privilege of trusting in Chr1st but also the privilege of suffering for Him.” 

2 Timothy 2:3,10 – “Endure suffering along with me, as a good soldier of JC…..SO I am willing to endure anything if it will bring salvation and eternal glory in JC to those G0d has chosen.” 

2 Timothy 4:5 – “But you should keep a clear mind in every situation.  Don’t be afraid of suffering for the L0rd.  Work at telling others the Good News, and fully carry out the ministry G0d has given you.”

…..Now, we know that Paul’s suffering was farrrrr different than the suffering that Eddie is going through.  But, I think that the term suffering means different things for different people.  We all have something different and different trials that we must go through to suffer for Him.  My point here is to show us that suffering definitely occurs, and right now, cancer is what “suffering” Eddie is going through.  And, during this time, we must all seek God through it all – finding ways to share His Word and seeking His glory through it all – because, I have NO doubt in my mind that our family is going through for a reason that will definitely bring Him glorify, if we allow it.

This morning I read Luke 12, and what a breathe of relief this was for me to recall this afternoon after hearing the news that nothing had changed….. vs22-31 “That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life – whether you have enough food to eat or enough clothes to wear.  For life is more than food and your body more than clothing.  Look at the ravens.  They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for G0d feeds them.  And you are far more valuable to him than any birds!...Look at the lilies and how they grow…..And if G0d cares so wonderfully for flowers that are he today and throw into the fire tomorrow, He will certainly care for you…..Your Father already knows your needs!  Seek the Kingdom of G0d above all else and He will give you everything you need.”  YES L0RD.  How reassuring is it in a time such as today, when my selfish prayer wasn’t necessarily answered in the fashion I wanted it to be, to know that my FATHER knows our every need – He knows what Eddie needs, He holds him within the palm of His hand, and He will give Him everything he needs during this time. 

Does this mean, that what we think we need G0d will give us?!  No, no.  He won’t always give us what we think we need, He gives us what He knows we need!! 

Look at James 1:2-6 – “Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.  For you know that when your fa1th is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.  So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.  If you need wisdom, ask our generous G0d, and he will give it to you.  He will not rebuke you for asking.  But, when you ask him, be sure that your fa1th is in G0d alone…..”

This is a time of trouble for Eddie and for my family.  But, look at what that verse says – we should consider it a time for great joy.  Although our fa1th will be tested, our endurance will grow .  And during this time, when honestly we don’t understand why this is taking place, we will continue to seek wisdom from Him….growing in Him daily, seeking His will to be done during this time, and for Him to utilize us for His glory through it all. 

Our Dad is good.  He is beyond good.  Although we do not understand everything that occurs, what an amazing promise it is to know that He is walking through life with us day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. 

But during this time, I will continue to pr@y persistently and bipolarly.  I will continue to pr@y for Father to lay His healing hands upon Eddie, but I will also continue to pr@y that He conditions our hearts to accept this time and glorify Him through it!  Please continue to pr@y this pr@yer for our family during this time! 

Eddie will begin the next round of chemo on Monday, and they will be making some decisions later on about what steps to take next….Please be in pr@yer about this and that Father will show the family what move to make! 

Again, I cannot tell you how blessed we are to have the support system He has given to us.  During my time away from home, this has become more and more real to me each day.  I have never been more excited to get back to PRBC and back to my family and friends.  You don’t realize how much your support system means to you until you are removed from them.  2 weeks everyone!!!! J  

Love you all!

.Rejuvenated.

This past week was full of many emotions!  As many serious topics and conversations took place my heart became heavy.  Living in a small town my whole life, I guess one might say I lived a “sheltered” life in a sense. 

Wednesday’s topic of discussion was grieving and leaving behind loved ones.  Many of the statements thrown at us were:  “life moves on without you,” “while you think 2014 will be standing still and life will stop, it will continue,” “someone will replace you when you leave,” “how will you handle saying goodbye to loved ones for the last time”…….  So yeah, although I mentally tried to prepare for this transition and time, facing these statements and questions (cold hard laid out there on the line types of realizations) was very taxing. 

Then, Thursday I had another eye opening day – I sat all day in a seminar on an1m1sm.  If you don’t know what this is…I encourage you to take time, research it, and educate yourself.  This conversation obviously led to the realities of sp1r1tual w@rf@re.... A reality that I know exists, but have never truly faced head on.  It is a reality in which if anything I would listen to and say “Ahh that can’t be true”….. But, as I sat and listened to the first hand experiences of an M, my heart became heavy as my mind was being altered to the realities of the darkness of this world.  But, as these stories set in, as I was trying to absorb the reality of sp1r1tual w@rf@re, I also was called to remember who I am!  I am daughter of THE K1ng of K1ngs, the L0rd of L0rds.  Therefore, when I call upon His name, no one or nothing can harm me.  What a beautiful, beautiful safeness that this truly is.  My Father is the THE ruler of all, holding power over ALL things – and He will not let anything touch me that doesn’t first go through Him --- YES!! 

So, come Friday, I had honestly just had enough….I was mentally and emotionally drained.  But, it was in that moment of weakness that the Father realized I needed a good soulful boost!  And that it was.  Friday night, instead of watching the opening ceremonies to the Olympics, there were many of us who gathered around a bonfire by the lake and just spent time sharing life together.  We made smores, we caught up on life, we played ridiculous games, some rapped (this white girl cannot), and then the most peaceful moment was when we all sang pr@ises to Him while one girl played the guitar!  There was no better way than to spend time lifting pr@ises through song up to Him!  What a blessed way to be rejuvenated.  What a joyful time and a perfect way to end the week! 

Then Saturday morning, Rachel and I headed out to do a little work at Barnes & Noble before setting forth to meet the Avery family in Waverly, VA.  Eric, a good friend of my p@stor Mitch, invited Rachel and I to come spend the weekend with his family, and speak at his chRch on Sunday.  What a great break from “camp” this was for us!  The Avery’s had dinner ready for us when we arrived, and then we rode the ferry over to Williamsburg, and grabbed dessert in the neatest coffee shop – Aromas.  It was such a perfect Saturday night.  The best part of the evening was their three little girls singing the songs from Frozen to us!  Priceless. 

Then today, Sunday, we were able to join them at Waverly 1st B@pt1st.  What a privilege and blessing it was to be able to share my test1m0ny with them, and share m1$$1ons with them.  I could not have asked for a more welcoming church to share my life with – the people of W@verly welcomed Rachel & I with open arms, and left us with encouraging words and pr@yers.  Thank you Avery’s and W@verly 1st B@pt1st for letting us into your home and your chRch this weekend.  I am so grateful to have you all partner with me during this time!

……Although this week was heavy, and I perhaps had a girl moment breakdown on the phone with mom Thursday, the Father knew exactly what my heart needed for this weekend.  As I head into this new week, I ask that you continue to pr@y for the Father to reveal Himself to me, to speak to me clearly, and help me continue to seek Him in all that I do each day. 

Rachel & I also began practicing some language skills last week.  I started with Rosetta Stone….but, that was quite a poor choice.  It had me starting with phrases – like I knew any of that?!  I mean I am smart - I am going to P. Italy - BUT come on, phrases was a little too much ---- (sidenote:  everyone at W@verly was under the impression that I was going to P. Italy as well today – Mitch, can I blame you for this particular misunderstanding at W@verly?!)  ANYWAYS, so Rachel helped me, and we have begun to work on letter sounds a little bit!  Just pr@y for wisdom and a positive attitude as I work harder at language this week.  I am a bit of a perfectionist, and I like for things to come easily – this is not going to be that.  So pr@y I have patience and do not get discouraged.    

"...if y'all can dance like that..."

I have only been here at training for two weeks, but I have made friends that I can already tell you will be friendships that will last a lifetime – friends that after only two weeks easily seem like family. 

This week it was one of our friend’s birthday – we will call him B. 

Well last week B’s bff gave us the heads up on B’s birthday and suggested we plan something fun and exciting.  So, last weekend us girls snuck around and bought a few things.  We went with the typical (as I now realize) boring things – poster to make a big card, streamers, balloons, cookies….you know just some things to decorate with!  At the time we thought we were doing great! 

But, no…..two goobs (who I promise cannot be B@pt1st’s because their dancing skills are too good) decided that this wasn’t good enough and we needed to DANCE for B’s birthday.  These two dancing goobs decided we need to make a flash mob for B’s birthday…..AND so we did! J 

We snuck around campus several nights, gathering more and newer people every night, to learn the Dance Dance Revolution dance to One Direction’s “You Don’t Know You’re Beautiful.”  These practices were seriously the best of times – so many laughs.  And then, Friday, we performed our flash mob dance to this song, during lunch, to B for his birthday!  It was PERFECT!!

 

It was awesome to see so many people involved to celebrate the birthday of such a fun guy; and even better it was so amazing to see the visitors on campus clapping along, smiling, and laughing the entire time!  It was so incredible and such a wonderful time.  B was so embarrassed, but he loved it!  Couldn’t have gone any better.

But, that isn’t the point of this post. 

During one of our nights of practice one guy said, “You know, if y'all can dance like that, there is no reason you can’t share the G0spel.”

BAM!....Slap in the face! 

What a powerful statement he just made.  And by no means did this man make this statement to be rude, discourage us from dancing, or anything like that; no, he was saying it more jokingly.  But what an incredibly true statement!!!

If you know me, you know I am a white girl with nooooo rhythm and absolutely no dancing skills.  Just being honest – it’s real sad.  And due to that realization, I have always tried to run away from group dances or anything that involved me publicly dancing in front of people.  I never really wanted any part of it.

But, this week, I came out of my comfort zone (with no argument, begging, or anything else – I willingly stepped out of my comfort zone) to participate in this surprise birthday flash mob dance, for a guy I have only known for two weeks. 

So, if I can do that – and do it willingly, laughing and smiling the whole time – I couldn’t help but wonder why in the world am I am not sharing the G0spel with people in this manner?!  Why am I not shouting to the top of my lungs that I serve a Father who sent His Son, who was born of a v1rg1n, to this earth to live just do die for MY s1ns AND then proceeded to r@ise Him from the dead three days later, showing that He is > than death?!  Why in the world am I not pulling out of my comfort zone and telling every single person I see this GREAT NEWS.  Why am I not willing to step out of this comfort zone and do this for a G0d who has known and loved me for farrrrrrr longer than two weeks?!!   

What a conviction this has been this week. 

It is time to step completely out of the comfort zone and shout this amazing news to everyone! 

What a powerful realization.