.Rejuvenated.

This past week was full of many emotions!  As many serious topics and conversations took place my heart became heavy.  Living in a small town my whole life, I guess one might say I lived a “sheltered” life in a sense. 

Wednesday’s topic of discussion was grieving and leaving behind loved ones.  Many of the statements thrown at us were:  “life moves on without you,” “while you think 2014 will be standing still and life will stop, it will continue,” “someone will replace you when you leave,” “how will you handle saying goodbye to loved ones for the last time”…….  So yeah, although I mentally tried to prepare for this transition and time, facing these statements and questions (cold hard laid out there on the line types of realizations) was very taxing. 

Then, Thursday I had another eye opening day – I sat all day in a seminar on an1m1sm.  If you don’t know what this is…I encourage you to take time, research it, and educate yourself.  This conversation obviously led to the realities of sp1r1tual w@rf@re.... A reality that I know exists, but have never truly faced head on.  It is a reality in which if anything I would listen to and say “Ahh that can’t be true”….. But, as I sat and listened to the first hand experiences of an M, my heart became heavy as my mind was being altered to the realities of the darkness of this world.  But, as these stories set in, as I was trying to absorb the reality of sp1r1tual w@rf@re, I also was called to remember who I am!  I am daughter of THE K1ng of K1ngs, the L0rd of L0rds.  Therefore, when I call upon His name, no one or nothing can harm me.  What a beautiful, beautiful safeness that this truly is.  My Father is the THE ruler of all, holding power over ALL things – and He will not let anything touch me that doesn’t first go through Him --- YES!! 

So, come Friday, I had honestly just had enough….I was mentally and emotionally drained.  But, it was in that moment of weakness that the Father realized I needed a good soulful boost!  And that it was.  Friday night, instead of watching the opening ceremonies to the Olympics, there were many of us who gathered around a bonfire by the lake and just spent time sharing life together.  We made smores, we caught up on life, we played ridiculous games, some rapped (this white girl cannot), and then the most peaceful moment was when we all sang pr@ises to Him while one girl played the guitar!  There was no better way than to spend time lifting pr@ises through song up to Him!  What a blessed way to be rejuvenated.  What a joyful time and a perfect way to end the week! 

Then Saturday morning, Rachel and I headed out to do a little work at Barnes & Noble before setting forth to meet the Avery family in Waverly, VA.  Eric, a good friend of my p@stor Mitch, invited Rachel and I to come spend the weekend with his family, and speak at his chRch on Sunday.  What a great break from “camp” this was for us!  The Avery’s had dinner ready for us when we arrived, and then we rode the ferry over to Williamsburg, and grabbed dessert in the neatest coffee shop – Aromas.  It was such a perfect Saturday night.  The best part of the evening was their three little girls singing the songs from Frozen to us!  Priceless. 

Then today, Sunday, we were able to join them at Waverly 1st B@pt1st.  What a privilege and blessing it was to be able to share my test1m0ny with them, and share m1$$1ons with them.  I could not have asked for a more welcoming church to share my life with – the people of W@verly welcomed Rachel & I with open arms, and left us with encouraging words and pr@yers.  Thank you Avery’s and W@verly 1st B@pt1st for letting us into your home and your chRch this weekend.  I am so grateful to have you all partner with me during this time!

……Although this week was heavy, and I perhaps had a girl moment breakdown on the phone with mom Thursday, the Father knew exactly what my heart needed for this weekend.  As I head into this new week, I ask that you continue to pr@y for the Father to reveal Himself to me, to speak to me clearly, and help me continue to seek Him in all that I do each day. 

Rachel & I also began practicing some language skills last week.  I started with Rosetta Stone….but, that was quite a poor choice.  It had me starting with phrases – like I knew any of that?!  I mean I am smart - I am going to P. Italy - BUT come on, phrases was a little too much ---- (sidenote:  everyone at W@verly was under the impression that I was going to P. Italy as well today – Mitch, can I blame you for this particular misunderstanding at W@verly?!)  ANYWAYS, so Rachel helped me, and we have begun to work on letter sounds a little bit!  Just pr@y for wisdom and a positive attitude as I work harder at language this week.  I am a bit of a perfectionist, and I like for things to come easily – this is not going to be that.  So pr@y I have patience and do not get discouraged.    

"...if y'all can dance like that..."

I have only been here at training for two weeks, but I have made friends that I can already tell you will be friendships that will last a lifetime – friends that after only two weeks easily seem like family. 

This week it was one of our friend’s birthday – we will call him B. 

Well last week B’s bff gave us the heads up on B’s birthday and suggested we plan something fun and exciting.  So, last weekend us girls snuck around and bought a few things.  We went with the typical (as I now realize) boring things – poster to make a big card, streamers, balloons, cookies….you know just some things to decorate with!  At the time we thought we were doing great! 

But, no…..two goobs (who I promise cannot be B@pt1st’s because their dancing skills are too good) decided that this wasn’t good enough and we needed to DANCE for B’s birthday.  These two dancing goobs decided we need to make a flash mob for B’s birthday…..AND so we did! J 

We snuck around campus several nights, gathering more and newer people every night, to learn the Dance Dance Revolution dance to One Direction’s “You Don’t Know You’re Beautiful.”  These practices were seriously the best of times – so many laughs.  And then, Friday, we performed our flash mob dance to this song, during lunch, to B for his birthday!  It was PERFECT!!

 

It was awesome to see so many people involved to celebrate the birthday of such a fun guy; and even better it was so amazing to see the visitors on campus clapping along, smiling, and laughing the entire time!  It was so incredible and such a wonderful time.  B was so embarrassed, but he loved it!  Couldn’t have gone any better.

But, that isn’t the point of this post. 

During one of our nights of practice one guy said, “You know, if y'all can dance like that, there is no reason you can’t share the G0spel.”

BAM!....Slap in the face! 

What a powerful statement he just made.  And by no means did this man make this statement to be rude, discourage us from dancing, or anything like that; no, he was saying it more jokingly.  But what an incredibly true statement!!!

If you know me, you know I am a white girl with nooooo rhythm and absolutely no dancing skills.  Just being honest – it’s real sad.  And due to that realization, I have always tried to run away from group dances or anything that involved me publicly dancing in front of people.  I never really wanted any part of it.

But, this week, I came out of my comfort zone (with no argument, begging, or anything else – I willingly stepped out of my comfort zone) to participate in this surprise birthday flash mob dance, for a guy I have only known for two weeks. 

So, if I can do that – and do it willingly, laughing and smiling the whole time – I couldn’t help but wonder why in the world am I am not sharing the G0spel with people in this manner?!  Why am I not shouting to the top of my lungs that I serve a Father who sent His Son, who was born of a v1rg1n, to this earth to live just do die for MY s1ns AND then proceeded to r@ise Him from the dead three days later, showing that He is > than death?!  Why in the world am I not pulling out of my comfort zone and telling every single person I see this GREAT NEWS.  Why am I not willing to step out of this comfort zone and do this for a G0d who has known and loved me for farrrrrrr longer than two weeks?!!   

What a conviction this has been this week. 

It is time to step completely out of the comfort zone and shout this amazing news to everyone! 

What a powerful realization.  

.Relationships.

One adjustment that I am having to face during this time of transition is how to balance relationships – and balance them in such a way that He is glorified in and through them all.

As you all know my family is definitely close – and within the past couple of months we have grown closer than I think we ever though was once possible.  So, in saying that leaving them was one issue that I knew would be hard.  However, I have done very well with it – it didn’t hit me until yesterday. 

Yesterday, Eddie spoke at PRBC.  Mitch asked him, if he felt called to do so, to speak and give his test1mony – focusing in on how his f@ith in Him has pulled him through, and given him hope, in this time that should be quite difficult for one to face.   Being where I am, I could not just drive home for this event – so we had the brilliant idea that I could just skype/facetime into the service.  Mitch and I tested everything out Saturday night – everything worked perfectly.

But….then come Sunday morning….the wifi was out here.  Realizing there was no wifi at 8am, I just kept hoping it would come back on by eleven.  But….as time passed it never came on.  Mitch called me, and we tried to connect via my phone – but, realized that wifi was still needed……

As you can imagine, I was definitely upset.  Ever since leaving last week, I just knew it would be okay to not be home for this event because I could just skype in, and pretend to really be there – although I wouldn’t be there physically, I would be there virtually (?)…..This was something I had been waiting on all week long. 

Eddie has a story to tell.  Eddie’s life, Eddie’s story is a test1mony that He is definitely called to share.  His story is an inspiration and a testament to how f@ithful our Father is….In MY mind I couldn’t miss hearing him share the words Father would lay upon His heart.

But, as I realized yet again, I was doing more of me, and less of the Father – I was seeking yet again my will, and not His.  Yet again, He had revealed another part of my life that I had not fully surrendered over to Him…..

So, although I was very upset that I could not skype into the service yesterday (and truthfully a part of me wanted to cry okayyyy…) there was this small serene calmness that really just took hold of me and it was beyond clear the Sprite was saying, “Sam, if you are going to do this, if you are going to be here doing what I have called you to do, you have to BE HERE.  I need all of you.  I need you in this moment.  I need you to focus and leave everything else at home for me to take care of.”  So, in this moment I just yet again gave it up to Him…..

During this past week, much like yesterday’s situation, I have really been struggling with relationships and time management.  Life here surpasses all expectations I ever had – I have never been happier, never been more in tune with the Father, and never felt more challenged to continue following His will….But, I have struggled with fitting everything and everyone in to each day. 

Being here, making new friends and in the process of building new relationships, a lot of us tend to spend a lot of free time hanging out playing volleyball or basketball, games, and just getting to know each other….But, in this time of getting to know one another, and helping to support one another, we are also all trying to figure out time to get everything accomplished that we are given to do (readings, paper work, etc.)  THEN, we are also trying to find a way of balancing phone calls, emails, texts, etc with those we love at home.  Then, within balancing these two groups of relationships we are also trying to stay truly focused on the main reason that we are here – how to stay focused and give Him the time we should every day through pr@yer, reading, clases, and just truly figuring out how to live life with and through Him no matter where we are…..

I firmly believe that relationships are the key to life.  In order to grow closer to someone or something you must spend time, growing closer with that person by understanding who they are, where they come from, what’s important to them….etc…..

But, as I was reminded yesterday there is one relationship that should stand out and be far more important and evident in my life than any other – and that is my relationship with the Father. 

In Matthew 22:37-28 we read: “J replied, ‘You must love the L0rd your G0d with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.  This is the first and greatest c0mmandment.'”

In Luke 14:26-27 we read:  “If you want to be my d1sciple, you must hate everyone else by comparison – your father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters – yes, even your own life.  Otherwise, you cannot be my disciple.  And if you do not carry your own cross and follow me, you cannot be my disciple."

These two verses just really hit home with me yesterday, as I was really struggling with the management concept of relationships of everyone that is placed into my life, and that I love.

These two verses just reminded me that first and foremost the main relationship in my life, the relationship that I should be working on the most and striving to grow in, is that with the Father.….My walk with the Father should be my primary, daily concern and deserves nothing less than my full, complete heart. 

Then, within building and growing in my relationship with Him, all other relationships will fall perfectly into place.

Although I am having to learn how to separate away from my family and friends at home, although I am having to learn how to not be at home for everything, and although I am learning how to build new relationships daily with the people He places before me…None of these things can be made perfect without me first being in His will. 

So, right now I ask that you seek the Father on my behalf, asking Him to help me make Him my top priority, and grow daily in my relationship with Him.  Ask Him to also grant me the peace in letting go of relationships at home in such a healthy way that although I continue to grow in these relationships with my family and friends, I do not feel upset that I am missing out by not being at home for special events and occasions.  I know that He has placed me here for a very special reason and I know that He has an incredible plan laid out for me to do accomplish with Him….and that is exactly where my hearts strongest desires need to be focused and placed.  Just pr@y that through being one with Him, I continue to relinquish all relationships with others over to Him, so that they will be made perfect through Him!

…..On another note, today Eddie went and began his third round of chemo and received results back from the retests last week.  After every two rounds of chemo they will be doing retests to check the effectiveness of the medicine. 

Today’s news was:

-The tumors in Eddie’s chest have not enlarged (PR@ISE!!!!)!  This means that the chemo is treating these tumors and working there.  Although they had not shrunk any, that was to be expected (after only two rounds).  We will hope to see some decrease in the next few rounds. J  So good news there!!

-The other news was that there were a couple of cysts on Eddie’s liver before, and they have now doubled in size.  However, right now the doctor feels confident that we should not stop chemo, but rather continue moving forward and see what the next set of test says after two more rounds of treatment….At that point, after looking at those results, we will determine what steps need to be taken.

I think the main thing for us is to continue to stay focused on is that Father has a definite purpose for this stage of Eddie’s life.  That was evident in his test1mony yesterday! 

Jeremiah 1:5 tells us “I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb.  Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.”    

What a verse!!  You cannot help but feel peace when you read this verse;  what a promise we can rest easily on.

We serve a Father who knew us before we were born.  We serve a Father who loves us beyond anything we can possibly fathom.  We serve a Father who made a plan for our life before we were born, and has called us to join Him in fulfilling out that plan!  INCREDIBLE.

I know without any form of doubt that the Father has always planned on using Eddie during this time to glorify Him, and complete a job that no one else can complete. 

Although it is hard to watch and accept at times, f@ith in knowing, loving, trusting, and believing Him is what continues to pull us through. 

Today, I was reminded of this:  “We serve a King who makes the hearts of over seven billion people beat.”  He does that!!  Mind blowing right?!....So just think, if He can do that what else is He capable of?!!  EVERYTHING.  ANYTHING.  We have the privledge of having a relationship with a Father, a King who is omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent.  He IS capable of doing anything and everything.  Our pr@yers are NEVER too big for Him.  So I pr@y today that the Father continues to give Eddie, my mom, and my family lifted spirits.  That He continues to show us daily how He is using this time to bring Him glory.  I pr@y that He continues to be with, walk through, and use Eddie during this time to glorify Him!  

Excited to see how He continues to move!

Unworthy.Unqualified.Inadequate.

Today I spent a large majority of my day just truly digging into the Word – either in group devotional time or during personal spiritual retreat time.  This week has been amazing, and I couldn’t be more affirmed that this is where I am called to be.  Every day G0d has, and continues to provide me a new challenge – He reveals something to me every single day; something to improve upon or change so that I may have a better, stronger relationship with Him.

Yesterday we really looked at Chr1st’s example, and Paul’s example, of m1nistry.  Our key verse was Mark 3:14 – “And He appointed twelve (whom He also named ap0stles) so that they might be with Him and He might send them out to pre@ch.”

In this we focused in on…

Apostles.  Yes, there were originally twelve appointed ap0stles.  No, I am not one of those twelve.  But, that word – ap0stles – simply means a messenger.  A messenger is one in which heralds the news from the King – so, one who shares the G0spel. 

And we know, all throughout the Book, He calls us all to spread His word – we are called to spread the word to all of creation – to every tribe, language, people, and nation….We are called to spread His word.  That is simply not an option from the Father; it is repetitively something that He commands us to do. 

And then, today, in our dev0tional (whether as a whole group or individually) we just spent a lot of time on truly beginning to look deeper into one’s own heart.   We looked at how, in order to strengthen a relationship (be it with whomever), one must truly take time to spend with that particular person – they must be willing to listen, talk, invest, and pour into that person.  And, our relationship with the Father is like that as well.  In order to grow in our walk with Him, we must be willing to set aside a private, sacred quiet time for Him every day – Time in which we can truly just pour our hearts out to Him, dig in His Word, and meditate on what He is saying to us…….So yeah, to me this was a slap in the face AGAIN!  Just as if reading “The Circle Maker” wasn’t a big enough reminder of how lacking I am in this area, today’s message, coming from His Word, just reconfirmed this is an aspect I must work on improving.  My daily quiet time MUST become sacred – it needs to become top priority and does not need to be pushed aside….

But then, as if that wasn’t enough….we also looked at a second aspect that I must truly work on in order to build a stronger relationship with the Father….I have to spend time looking at, evaluating my own heart.  What type of heart do I have?! 

We looked at the pure heart, the disconnected heart, the hidden heart, the hard heart, the dull heart, the unforgiving heart….We evaluated each of these, and where our hearts lied within each aspect.  For me, this was eye opening.  As much as I am ashamed to admit, I don’t have the pure heart that the Father calls me to have.  So, in saying that, there are things that I had to admit and turn over to Him – because as we know in order to be free, in order to find peace with Him, we must admit our sins and seek His forgiveness….

So today, several of those sins came out – and I honestly just grabbed a pen and my notebook, and wrote those sins out to the Father.  I just spent time pouring my heart out to Him.

And today, one thing that I realized, as I was seeking forgiveness from Him, is that due to my previous walk with the Father, due to the lack of faithfulness I had to Him, I spent a lot of time not being the light He has called me to be.  I have spent a lot of time wasting life/opportunities away.  I have had a number of relationships with people that I KNOW the Father placed before in which I did not seize the moment, stand bold in my faith, and share the Good News with them.  And in most situations I often did the exact opposite of what I should have been doing.  I believe firmly in relationships.  I believe that the Father creates d1vine appointments and opportunities for you to come in contact with specific people – but, in that moment you have to be willing to have an open mind, an open heart, and be ready to seize the moment and share the G0spel with them as well.  Therefore, you must be setting an example that would be pleasing to the Father, and one that a person would eagerly want to learn more about……You are to be His example…..

As I just sat and thought back through my life, I could not help but to think about all of the opportunities that I missed and passed up.  I could not help but to just crumble at the thought of the number of people who I perhaps lead away from the Father (due to my actions, words, and behaviors); instead of leading to the Father. 

And, as I continued to let this dwell in my mind, it honestly became a very low moment.  I began to feel frustrated with myself.  How was I so ridiculously blind – How/Why did I let these moments pass?  Why did I not realize or care about the appearance, w1tness I was giving off to all of those around me?!  What was I thinking?!!  ….And furthermore, if I couldn’t be a w1tness here, to people I know and love, how in the world is He planning on using me to do His work in a location that I know no one or nothing, and cannot even speak the language?!!!  What am I doing Father, became the question in my mind. 

And in that moment, as I began to just pour out my heart to the Father, my mind also became consumed with words like: unworthy, unqualified, inadequate……

Like I have said before, I did a lot of playing chRch….It wasn’t until a couple years ago that I truly began to crave a relationship with Him, that I began to dig into the Word, eager to know more.  And, as if that isn’t bad enough, everything I did hear and study seemingly didn’t/doesn’t stick in my mind. 

So, as a twenty four year old, I feel like I have the knowledge of a child.  I am terrible at knowing specific people and stories within the Word (even though I have heard them a million times), and although I know that there is a verse in the Word that says what I am thinking in my mind – I am absolutely terrible at quoting the scr1pture and where it is specifically found……This became another concern of mine!  How am I supposed to go out into His world and share His news, if I do not know His word?!  How am I going to be able to stand up for Him, if His words do not dwell within my heart?! 

As you can see – my heart just became truly broken. 

But, after having poured out my heart to Him, I was reminded that through forg1veness and grace all things are made new.  All I simply had to do was what I had just done.  In the time I spent pr@ying, c0nfessing, giving up my acknowledgement of disobedience and lifting my insecurities to Him, He forgave me and provided a peace like none other.    

It was in this time that I realized that yes, although I have not walked and lived in a relationship with Him like 

I should have, I serve a Father who loves me unconditionally.  I serve a Father who seeks and longs to have this relationship with me.  I serve a Father who desires for me to surrender my life over to Him.  I serve a Father who is going to forgive me for not walking with Him in the past.  I serve a Father who dwells within my heart and one who understands the desire of my heart.  Although my heart is far from being pure - He understands that a pure heart, a heart that is consumed by Him, is one in which I desire.  And through full surrender to Him I found freedom from the past.  Through me giving everything up to Him, through me letting go of the past and realizing that this present moment I am His, and acknowledging He is going to walk every step of this journey with me – I was set free!

He will provide me with the knowledge, courage, and boldness that I need to do His will.  He will make those d1vine appointments and make it overwhelmingly clear to me with whom I should share His Word with.  He will provide me with the scripture I need for each individual moment. 

Through His forgiveness of my past, I am able to move into this next stage of life that He has called me into!  With Him dwelling within my soul, with me building my relationship/walk with Him daily, I will be able to be a herald of His Word!

Goodbye insecurities.  Goodbye unworthy, not qualified, and inadequate.  He directs my path and I stand firm in knowing that for whatever path He calls me to travel down in life, He will see me as worthy, qualified, and adequate.  He will provide me with all I need to do His work – all I have to do is continue to walk and grow in my relationship with Him daily; fixating on having a pure heart, in which can be used to glorify Him.

....I challenge you to examine your own life.  Reevaluate your relationship with the Father, and reevaluate your obedience to His calling in your life. We all have a story.  Father creates divine appointments for us to share our story and His Word everyday.....I just challenge you to grow in your walk and obedience with Him - realize you are worthy, you are qualified, you are adequate - See these divine appointments that He places before you.  Use these times to be obedient and share His Word.  Stand firm in these moments, knowing He lives within you and will provide you with the knowledge, power, and wisdom!  Through Him you are unWORTHY.  You are unQUALIFIED.  You are inADEQUATE.  

Learning how to pr@y from a 2 year old...

This weekend I got to spend a lot of time with my favorite tiny tot in the whole wide world – Hadley!  Ed, Mom, Alli, and I drove down on Friday and spent most of the weekend with Jamie and Haddy, while Liv headed out Saturday for a wedding!  As you would guess our weekend was filled playing choo-choo’s (trains), playing house, watching Haddy jump on the trampoline, and basically running around doing whatever HaddyBug wanted to do next!  We had such a fun weekend!  But, I definitely must give kudos to Liv and all of the other stay at home moms.  It is exhausting keeping up with a toddler all day – that sweet girl was still going strong at 9pm Saturday night, and this auntie was ready for bed!!  J 

But, if there was one highlight or lesson to be learned this weekend it was definitely this:

     1.  Haddy, at two years old, understands how to pr@y and pr@y consistently.

     2.  Amy must be a pretty important person and a really awesome teacher!! 

This weekend, as we began to pr@y before each meal, before Haddy’s naptime, and before bed each night – Haddy would remind everyone that we had to have “pr@y for Amy.”  I am not kidding, there was not one pr@yer that could be had without us having to pr@y for Amy – if someone missed Amy’s name, Haddy quickly reminded us after to say pr@yers for Amy.

Although Haddy is only two years old, she definitely understands more than most of us understand as adults.  Although none of the rest of us, besides Liv, even knew who Amy was we did recognize that she obviously meant a lot to Hadley and was someone who Hadley desired to lift up to the Father regularly.  And, in saying that, I can’t help but sit and look at my own pr@yer life. 

I have people in my life I pr@y for everyday – I have concerns I take to the Father almost every day.  Although I go to the Father with these people/concerns each day, do I really pr@y without ceasing?  Do I lift these people to Him every time I pr@y, or only when it is convenient? …… I cannot help but look at Haddy’s pr@yers for Amy and realize that I should be just a fervent and consistent in my pr@yers that I lift up to Him daily. 

As I told you all, I have been reading the book “The Circle Maker.”  For me, this book has altered and made me truly sit and think about the way that I go to the Father in pr@yer!  For me, I go to the Father in various ways, during various times of the day.  And, I can admit – my best quiet times are when I am either in my car alone driving OR when I go walking.  It seems like during this time, I can truly focus on getting quiet, pour my heart out to the Father, and then sit and listen on Him.  Then, there are other times, like right before a meal or before bed, where I seemingly either run through a pr@yer real quick or (as a ashamed as I am to admit it) fall asleep during my pr@yers!  L 

But, until recently I think I had the wrong impression of how to pr@y.  I always sought this as a time where I could just lift up people and concerns, but never did I back it with expectations, promises from the Father. 

Here are just things that I have learned while reading this book!  These are just some small things that have changed the way I go before the Father in pr@yer.  I hope that these can help you as well! 

1.  Our prayers should be “resolute yet humble, confident yet meek, expectant yet unassuming…”

2.  “Bold prayers honor G0d and G0d honors bold prayers.”

 There are many people, events, concerns that I know are impossible pr@yers in the human realm.  But, I also know that these are the things that I MUST lift up to Him.  These concerns, which require divine intervention, are the concerns that Father wants lifted up to Him because it requires our full abandonment, it requires us to fully relinquish the situation over to Him – If we take these bold pr@yers to Him, He will honor them. 

3.  Before seeking the Father in pr@yer, know exactly what you want!  

Knowing what you want is just the beginning of a pr@yer circle.  Then, don’t just read the Word, use the Word to circle His promises.  Use that promise and link it to your pr@yer.  "Claim your promise.  Spell your miracle."  Lay it all out there.  Be Bold in your pr@yer. 

4.  Once you circle a pr@yer, NEVER stop circling it! 

 Just as Haddy has done for Amy, she never stops pr@ying through for Amy.  Often times we pr@y for something, and we lift something up to the Father; but, we never pr@y through something!!  We must learn how to stop pr@ying for something and begin pr@ying through – we must be consistent and intense in our pr@yers.  Our pr@yers often times will be nothing more than just heartbreaking tears, and those are the pr@yers that go straight to the heart of the Father.  As the book says you can either “chicken out or pr@y through……if we chicken out we miss out on the miracle, if we pr@y through God will come through, but it may be at the last moment possible….”  Don’t stop pr@ying through friends!  His will, His way, His timing. 

5.  Then, I love this lesson the best, there are times where we must stop pr@ying through and start pr@ising through!!

Sometimes there are just moments where we need to stop asking the Father for something, and we truly need to stop and start pr@ising Him for what He has done and will do!  Pr@ising Him takes our faith to a higher level – it means that at times we go to Him believing that He has already answered our pr@yers.  It means that we believe and have such a faith that He will answer our pr@yers, we are already going to go ahead and pr@ise Him for answering those prayers!  Trust in Him in such a way that you KNOW He will answer!

6.  Never stop pr@ying through and pr@ising through!

Pr@yers aren’t meant to just change the circumstance –Pr@yers are also meant to changes us.  It helps to give us "sp1r1tual eyes – enabling us to see beyond our circumstances, beyond ourselves, and beyond time.”  Pr@ying through can become “long and boring”  but we cannot stop – His will, His way, His time…..Don’t ever stop!

.....So, from the lesson I learned from the most precious two year old I know – pr@y continuously, fervently, consistently.  Circle those pr@yers and never stop pr@ying and pr@ising through!!  

"...My ways are far beyond anything you could imagine..."

Today as I write this blog I truly cannot stop smiling! 

Throughout this entire process I have learned one massive lesson – I must stop trying to make this life my own; but rather fully rely, trust, and move forward in the plan He lies before me - trusting that He knows the desires of my heart and has built a plan in which those desires will be fulfilled during HIS time, His way…not my own.

Today, I cannot help but reflect upon two key verses:

Isaiah 55:8-9 – “My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.  “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.”

Psalm 37:4 – “Take delight in the L0rd, and He will give you the desires of your heart.”

As I have stated before, I began my life career of teaching as something that I never questioned.  I knew from a young age that teaching was my life calling – it was without a doubt the career field that I was going to go into.  With that in mind, I can honestly say that although I felt like it was the path Father was calling me to go down, I never truly took time in prayer to sit and listen, seeking to make sure that this was in fact the plan that He had for my life (not just my own plan). 

As I began teaching, this dream career became very trying at times!  I practically let it consume my entire life – devoting little to no time in being in His word.  It was during this time, that I finally can say I turned to Dad – asking, praying, and listening with my whole heart for Him to show me what He wanted me to do….And to make a long story short, this is how I ended up where I am right now!  He showed me that my thoughts, and my plans for my life, were definitely not aligned with what He had planned.  He had a plan for my life that I never would have dared of doing a couple years ago – a plan in which I must pick up and leave everything and everyone I know behind…..A plan so far out of my comfort zone it is unbelievable.  But, it is a plan in which I am having to fully, 110%, rely on Him – which is what I should have been doing my entire life and was not. 

And, I can honestly tell you that although I am nervous, I have never been more excited and happier to take such a leap of faith! 

In this process, I went to the conference in October looking to work in Africa, in an orphanage……Much to my dismay, there were NO jobs to be found doing orphanage work AND I was not allowed to work in most parts of Africa due to medical restrictions.  Again, my selfish minded ways were definitely not what He had in mind for me!  I can honestly tell you that in this realization, I was a bit heart broken.  I just knew that I would always do work in Africa – and although one day He may send me there long term to do work – right now He has called me to Paris! 

The Father has called me to work in P, a place in which I never thought I would ever do this type of work in….But, at the same time, He has/does know every desire in my heart and He is continuously showing me that if I just follow His will for my life, not my own, He will make sure that His plan includes the desires that I have – these desires will just be fulfilled in His way, at His time, in the perfect moment. 

Yesterday, as Alli and I were heading to Elkin, I received an email that she read out loud to me.  It started out as, “I hate to be the bearer of bad news…”  As she read this I was eagerly anticipating what bad news was about to come.  As she continued to read, the email stated that I would have to be getting many shots while at training, because I would be traveling down to Africa for several meetings…. BAD NEWS?!  This was the BEST, bad news I had ever heard.  If only you could have seen my face!!  If you know me, you know I am a baby, and I despise getting shots…But, shots to go to Africa?!!  I’ll take them all!  I have never in my life been sooooo excited to get a zillion shots! 

All I could yesterday afternoon was smile and tell the good news to the people around me….But, I also couldn’t help but pr@ise Him!! 

He has truly flipped my life around this past year.  He is about to remove me from everything and everyone I know, yet I have never been more excited about it – because He continues to show me that His ways, His plan for my life is far better than anything I could imagine.  And, at the same time, He continues to show me that He knows every desire of my heart; if I am just willing to give full control over to Him, He will make sure that these desires are taken care of in His way, on His time. 

I have one week left at home before I head to training!  I will be at training for eight weeks!  I have never been away from my family for this long, so this will definitely be a big test.  I ask that you continue to pr@y for strength, wisdom, power, and knowledge as I head into this time.  This will be eight weeks filled of intense classes, the start of learning French, and many other things. 

BUT, I also ask that you continue to pr@y for my family here at home!  Dad knows the desires of my heart for my family; and, as a family, we pr@y to Dad, believing in the power of pr@yer and believing that He is the almighty physician. 

Yesterday, Ed finished up round two of chemo!  He did very well with round two, and it is obvious he receives special treatment around the office – they gave him red velvet cheesecake yesterday while he received treatment!! 

During this round, they upped his dosage from 80mg to 100mg – this is a good thing; in hoping that it will kill the cancer quicker!  In saying this, we expected maybe some sickness would occur; but so far, so good!  Eddie has done very well, and we could not be more thankful.

The third round will begin at the end of this month.  However, before the third round we will be going for retests – to see what progress has been made.  Although we know that chemo is the medicine used by man to kill this wicked disease; we also know that it is not the healer – He is!  We are fully reliant on the power of pr@yer and knowing that He hears our pr@yers and the desires of our hearts within each pr@yer. 

With that being said, we all have been reading the book “The Circle Maker.”  If you have never heard of this book or read this book before, I strongly suggest you get it!  Our pastor, Mitch Smith, gave Eddie this book; but, we have all been taking turns reading it. 

It has changed the way that we view pr@yer – and actually has changed the way that we pr@y to Him. 

In this time, we are circling Eddie in pr@yer with the ver$e Isaiah 41:10 – “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your G0d.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

We know that the Father has provided us the Book, filled with thousands of promises!  Thousands of promises are found within His Word – I can’t even wrap my head around this amount. 

This ver$e, 41:10, is just one of those promises.  So, as a family, we are circling Eddie in pr@yer; using this ver$e as our promise from Him.  This promise guides every pr@yer we pr@y for Eddie.  And, not only are we just pr@ying this verse, we are pr@ying with authority – going to the Father asking Him to perform a miracle, healing Eddie, like we KNOW He can do. 

With these checkup tests approaching us within the next couple of weeks, we are asking that you circle Eddie in pr@yer as well.  We ask that you join us, in standing firm, knowing that we serve a mighty $avior who hears our every pr@yer, holds every tear we cry, knows every single desire of our heart, and is most definitely a performer of miracles. 

Take this pr@yer, and pr@y with us daily.

We love and appreciate you all! 

"Papa's Getting His Hair Cut'

Today, as we started off a New Year, I couldn't help but praise Dad for the family that he has blessed me with. 

Last night all 9 of us –Ed, Mom, Fain, Josh, Jamie, Liv, Haddy, Alli, and I- spent the night ringing in the New Year together….and we wouldn’t have spent it any other way!  Then today, Jamie, Alli, and myself decided to go hiking at Pilot Mountain!  As we hiked the mountain, we couldn’t help but be in awe.  What an amazing, beautiful place Pilot Mountain is – the view overlooking the surrounding area is just breathtaking.  We couldn’t help but continue asking ourselves why we had always gone to Stone Mountain, and never once considered visiting Pilot Mountain….

Then, we came home tonight and as Hadley’s phrase is best - “Papa’s getting his hair cut.” 

Over the course of this past week, the chemo kicked in and Eddie’s hair began falling out….Tonight he decided to get “his hair cut.”  Tonight Jamie shaved Eddie’s head.  Although we knew this day would come, it was/is definitely a hard task that one must face when receiving chemo treatments.  BUT, as Alli phrased it best, “this was a bittersweet moment, because at least we know the chemo is working!”  This daunting task actually went as perfect as it possibly could have gone! 

Over the course of the past week, things have been a little rocky.  Eddie had a cold this past week; which resulted in him having a temperature and having a terrible cough.  Due to one airway being restricted, this cough made it hard at night for Eddie to receive the sleep that he needed.  Then, we were supposed to have started chemo on Tuesday – which would have resulted in the second round concluding Friday.  But, due to the cold, chemo was unable to take place.  The doctor said that it would not have been smart for us to do chemo – due to the fact that Eddie’s body was fighting a cold already, lowering the counts with chemo would not have been beneficial.  So, the game plan right now is to start chemo on Monday and continue through Wednesday.  Please just continue to pr@y that we continue to get rid of this cold – as Eddie has felt better the past day or two – so that we can keep on schedule and continue with round two on Monday! 

But, in saying all of this, I just have to say that as this year, 2014, has arrived, I honestly could not be more thankful for the family that Father has blessed me with. 

As we have had a couple of sleepless nights here at the house, I have spent a lot of time in pr@yer and a lot of time reflecting upon how much my family truly means to me.

Fifteen years ago tomorrow, the Father chose my dad to join Him in He@ven.  Yes, my dad meant the world to me…I would be lying to you if I told you I didn’t miss him today.  There have been events over the course of the past fifteen years that I would have given anything for him to be at….But, I cannot help but to smile when I think what an amazing example he was – what an inspiration his story and faith in the Father was to all those who he came in touch with.  I find strength in knowing that although dad wasn’t at games, graduations, and major life events, I KNOW beyond a shadow  of a doubt that he joined my He@venly Father in the clouds, and together they both watched these events  – smiling and laughing the whole way through.  I find peace in knowing that I will see Him one day.

But, as dad was called up to be with the Father, Father sent another blessing my way – a blessing in which it took me years to understand, accept, appreciate, and love.  Father sent Eddie to my mom, Alli, and I.  And with Eddie came Fain and Jamie! 

I will be the first to admit that accepting these three into our family, was NOT something that I initially wanted.  In fact, I tried to push them away as hard as anyone possibly could….I did and said everything and anything mean that could possibly be said….I was not a fan of Eddie and my mom being together, and in no way did I want more siblings.  I wanted anything but this, and it was obvious to all…..

But today, as I think back to that time, I am ashamed of who I was, what I did, and how I acted.  And, I am beyond thankful that my mom and Eddie were stubborn enough to stick it out - believing and loving each other the whole way through…….

As Dad called my dad to join Him in He@ven, He knew all along that He would be sending us someone equally as great to take care and provide for Mom, Alli, and I – He also knew to grant Eddie some patience as it took me a while to adjust.  J 

Today, as we head into this New Year, I could not be more thankful for the family that I have!  We may be one crazy bunch, but I wouldn’t want it to be  any different.  These past couple months we have laughed, cried, and grown together…and honestly, I am not sure how we would get through it if it were  any different.   Although we are facing a difficult time as a family, we continue to hold our heads high, pull together, keep our faith strong in Him, and pr@y knowing that He is the one true healer, that holds every tear we cry, and has our best interest at heart…..Without this we would be lost…..

But, as the kiddos, we would be lost without the strength of the parents.  During a time when many could give up, be angry, and just thrown in the towel….Eddie and Mom are doing the exact opposite.  Not once have they said anything negative.  Not once have they said anything angry.  Not once have they even thought about giving up.  No, they are the definition of strong, positive, and faithful.  As the kids, we are blessed to have examples like this!  I ask that you continue to pr@y for all of us, but particular Eddie and Mom, as we are entering into round two of chemo.  As we know there will be days of struggle ahead, please pr@y that their spirits stay positive, strong, and faithful just as they have always been! 

Dad blessed me with an amazing family, and I cannot wait to see what He does for us, through us, and in us during 2014!  As we are facing Eddie’s cancer, and as that is our number one priority, we are also facing many other changes this year as a family – many thrilling changes that we are all looking forward to going through together!  We know 2014 is a BIG year, and find comfort in knowing that everything that happens must first go through His hands!