What Do You Do?!

What do you do when life becomes hard?  What do you do when everything you have ever known is gone, and everything placed before you are things you have never seen?  What do you do when everyone you have ever been around is thousands of miles away?  And, you don’t know the language in an effective manner so you cannot speak to the new people around you?  What do you do when your heart is with your family – in hospitals, doctor’s office, or just at home?  What do you do when you find yourself lonely and alone?  What do you do when you silence creeps in?  What do you do….Where do you go?!

Before heading to the field the common phrase that was said to me was – “you are really going to suffer for the L0rd aren’t you?!”

In this blog I want to be as transparent as I can possibly be with you. 

I am definitely very fortunate that the Father has placed me in a city where I can pretty much easily access everything that I could need and want – things may be different, but I have all life necessities I could want/need here.  

I most definitely do not “suffer” in the sense that most people would commonly think of.  So how in this type of set up, how in this particular placement, is it that I often times find myself completely alone or upset? 

These first three and half months on the field have definitely been a roller coaster – filled with many highest of highs, and dropping to the lowest of lows.  I have found myself crying with tears of laughter during a morning language session, to leaving school mad and upset when leaving in the afternoon.  I have found myself surrounded with wonderful friends one moment, to feeling completely alone the next.  I have found myself loving the different restaurant options, to missing the down home country biscuits and gravy!  I found myself being able to fulfill a lifelong dream (being in Africa), yet desperately wanting so badly to be home with my family!

Although these three months have been filled so many adventures – from school, to visiting foyers, to sharing life in my teammates apartments with some of our people group, to see the Eiffel Tower and all the touristy spots, to finding the best creperie around, to seeing life in Africa…There has most definitely been times where none of that mattered.   There have been times where I have never felt more alone.  Times where I wanted to be at home with my family celebrating events that were going on, or sitting at a hospital waiting on results.  Times where I wanted my friends to laugh and act ridiculous with.  Times where I wanted to never ride the train again; where I would give anything to ride through the country back roads with the windows down and my radio turned up.  Times where I literally felt so alone, and honestly just saddened….

So what do you do in those ruts of life?  Because home or abroad, those ruts do occur, and you have to find a way out.  You have to find your happy place again.  You have to find the joy in life again…So how?!

 

Lately, when the quiet creeps in and when stress comes upon me – I cannot help but smile at the Father.  At home when I was surrounded by everyone and everything I had ever known I can honestly say that I never took time to sit and talk to the Father.  On my way into school each morning, I would sing praises to Him with KLove and spend time talking to Him then; but I never took time to rely on Him for everyday life necessities.   Rather, I would turn to my family and friends for their advice, guidance, and support.

Now, here me out on this as well…I have the most incredible support system.  Getting cards, emails, texts, etc literally brighten my day like none other.  More than anything, I praise the Father for blessing me with people who I know without a doubt, when I am in one of these ruts, I can text and they will lift me up to the Father right away.  But, when I look at these people – they are all a part of HIS body!  And, as His body, that is what we are called to do – simply share life together – to lift each other up, to be there for one another, to rejoice when one rejoices and hurt when one hurts…BUT we are not called to rely on those people more than we rely on the Father (which is what I have been doing for my whole life until now). 

So if there is one thing that this stillness, this quietness, this massive change of newness has taught me it is that I serve a Father who is dying for me to rely 110% on Him – not anyone else or anything else.  He longs for me to find joy in Him, to seek Him in those darkest/quietest time.

And so in those moments, I have found myself being called to read His Word, and to go to Him in pr@yer.  And I cannot express to you enough how in these moments He has never failed me – but instead, He has always provided me with the Words and encouragement that completely changed my mindset and lifted my spirits! 

So in these few months on the field, I have learned something that I should have learned a long time ago.  Having been a believer since I was eight, and am currently twenty-four, I am almost ashamed to admit it took me that long to realize the imperativeness and necessity of relying on Him.  But, I am glad that I have figured it out at twenty-four, instead of forty-two. 

I love relying on the Father for daily encouragement, Word, and wisdom.  He is enough.  He is all we need. 

If you are not relying on the Father today, if you are trusting Him, believing Him, listening to Him, talking to Him, reading His Word…I encourage you to wait no longer!  Dive into your walk with Him and get connected.  You’ll be amazed at what He does!  Trust me.